Thoughts and a Beatles' Quote.

Settling in again for a few more shows. This Monday is Labor Day, so no class to teach. I will stay in San Diego and reorient myself to this life. If the fires keep at bay, my husband may come down and stay for a bit. We'll wait and watch and see.

I walked again today. It was hot. Not as hot as Sunland, but hot enough to stop in a little store and buy some iced tea. (I'd run out of water.) I tried to find the cooling breeze. I walked to the end of cul-de-sacs over-looking cliffs, hoping for the whisper of a wind from the ocean. Not much luck there and, surprisingly little shade. Bummer. I ended up at a small park where I stood under a large tree. I watched the children for a while and strolled on. I ran into one of my cast members. We walked together on our way back to our housing. He was worried about turning 30. He plans to marry his girlfriend one day and was feeling the pressure that comes when one feels it is time to "grow up." I don't remember feeling that way at 30. I remember I was very busy, struggling to find my career. Did I want to teach? Did I want to stage manage? Hmm. Maybe I really wanted to go into research. I didn't think about marriage then. (I'd been with my boyfriend, now my husband, 9 years by the time I was 30.) There was no urgency. Waiters still asked me for my I.D.

I spent my 30th birthday in Tahoe. It was cool and private. My boyfriend and me and two friends. We walked in the woods, we went to the casinos, we ate cake and drank cheap wine. It was kinda perfect.

I didn't worry about age. I don't worry about it now. As I walked with my friend, colleague and cast-member, I thought, "gee, I'll be 55 in a month." 55! I am 25 years older than my 30 year old friend. I really could be his mother. But, this is a fleeting thought. I don't dwell on it. I certainly don't feel 25 years older. I do feel I have more experience, and that is comforting. My friends in this business range in age from around 14 to 80. We "get it" and we "get" each other. Age seems less important than common purpose and drive. We struggle and succeed or not, together. That communion means everything.

As my friend and colleague and I walked on we ran into another cast member and my prop man having a meal together at a little cafe. Nice. As I wander, going to meet my director or some member of my company, I often run into the other members out and about with each other. We become a family over the long summer. We are mostly alone here, and only have each other. It is unique and extremely moving and special.

My friend and I waved to our fellow company members, they waved, but my friend and I were deep in conversation so this was a brief encounter. I like the private time with each individual whether we meet by happenstance or design. It is good. It helps me do my job, but more importantly I enjoy the company. I love these people. I love them all in different ways, but each and every one of them will remain with me, forever.

"..and you know I'll never ever lose affection, in my life, I loved them all..."