Obsession.

I've been thinking about obsession. The condition, the emotion and what it means. In the last couple of days I've been obsessed with Keith Olbermann and it has made me really think about how I feel about him and his news program. I find I'm watching more Rachel Maddow because of the obsession. It is all good. I gain more insight and become more thoughtful.

I have gone through my life obsessed about one thing or another. My great obsession is clearly Theatre and to a lesser degree, teaching. Though, that may not be true. My calling may in fact be teaching. I'll have to think about that.

I'm talking about the obsession with particular characters or people. My husband and I've spent a lot of time recently watching the latest version of DOCTOR WHO. Okay, I'm obsessed with David Tennant who plays the 10th Doctor. We discovered TORCHWOOD first and I was obsessed with the character Captain Jack Harkness. We discovered Doctor Who because we were looking for more stories about Captain Jack. We've been re-watching the entire two series, in order this time. So good, and now we understand the very complicated world of Doctor Who.

Yeah, I'm a sci-fi fan. Note: I did not say fanatic. I love the time-travel conundrum. I love the complication and the discussion afterwards. Takes me away.

Back to obsessions. When I was a kid, 13 or so, I was mad for Star Trek. I went to White Front (The 1966 version of Wal-Mart) and met Leonard Nimoy. I was beside myself! He was signing his first album (I'd bought it long before the signing) and I stood in line with my best friend, Barbara Redding, giggling and gleeful as we made our way to the podium. I touched his arm. He smiled, indulgently. I was in heaven. It was not Leonard Nimoy I'd come to see, but Spock. And it was so special.

At 13 my bedroom was covered with photos cut out from teen magazines. I loved Bobby Sherman and Davy Jones. I loved Spock. (Sorry Bill, I only came to love you after we did a show together.) I loved the idea of Superman. I had what my mother called, "a shrine" to The Lord of the Rings. But that was a book. Okay, for me at the time, THE BOOK.  My obsession with those characters was all what I created in my imagination. I became obsessed with Tolkien and read everything he wrote and everything written about him. I think I still have his obituary somewhere. (In high school and college I wrote every paper about him, when I could. I was an expert!)

Later, my friends will tell you, I became obsessed with Remmington Steele. I loved the character and I loved the romance. It all ended when I saw Pierce Bronson in person. Hmm. Not what I expected.

I loved everyone who played Superman, except the last one. Can't even remember his name. My particular obsession was with Dean Cain. Sadly, not a very good actor, but oh how he looked! He was perfect. I own the DVDs and sit and watch the series Lois and Clark, The New Adventures of Superman still, to this day.

These are all harmless. Harmless obsessions. The danger comes when one becomes obsessed with someone one knows, in real life.

I've managed to avoid this through most of my life, but I clearly have an obsessive nature. What I've discovered is that obsession is the quickest way to end a relationship. Obsession is scary to the object of the obsession. And generally unwanted. Don't you think I'd have learned this in high school?  (Though one weird obsession has resulted in a life-long friendship. Another, ultimately healthier obsession has resulted in my marriage. Yes, I was obsessed with Phil. I still am.)

I've been told I'm just passionate.

Maybe. Sometimes I think I'm just a little out of my head.

Obsession is a childhood fantasy that needs to be put away. It took me a long time to understand that. Enjoy the story, but awake to the reality of my day.

"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."
Chapter 13, verse 11
 
I am now full grown. I see more clearly than I did before. Those obsessions are leftovers. Ort in crossword puzzles. I am free of them. And yet, in some small way I am more solitary. I miss Spock in my dreams.