The Resolution.

We have a peculiar tradition in this country. We make New Year's Resolutions. The practice has apparently been around since Roman times in one form or another. We mark the end of one year and look forward to the next. (January is named for Janus, the two-faced god who looks both to the past and to the future.) I find it peculiar because it is a practice that so many of us follow and so few of us keep longer than a month or two, if that. The trivial nature of our resolutions may have much to do with this.

We collectively and individually resolve to lose weight, exercise more, eat less (and in this country, those are near vital resolutions.) We promise to quit smoking or to drink less. We resolve to start each day with a smile or to make up the bed or to keep the house cleaner. We will mow the lawn more frequently or paint the house or learn the piano or a foreign language. We will work harder at school or read more...
These promises are all well and good. I wonder why we need the New Year to add weight to what is essentially self-improvement.

I am all for self-improvement. I just think that it is the daily promise we should make to ourselves. "Hmm. Didn't do so well with that today. Tomorrow I'll do better."

The word itself is peculiar. Resolution. In the tradition of New Year's it is a promise, vow or oath. In another context it can mean the end of an incident or the wrapping up of details... The end of the story, if you will, much like a denouement. Resolution can signify that now it is time to move on.

Back to New Year. Certainly New Year's eve is the end of something... this year the end of some very difficult and tragic times. We come to the close of the year. The resolution of 2012. Perhaps resolution should involve looking back collectively at 2012; at a year that offered up some of the most heart-breaking, harrowing and horrible incidents in this country's history. Perhaps by looking back with thoughtfulness and regret we can then resolve to help each other, look to what our neighbors need and take those important steps together towards a more positive future.

Let us look back so we can look forward with hope and unity and love. Maybe if we promise to each other we will find our resolution to be that much stronger and last that much longer.

Peace.
m.

Have Yourself A Merry...

My sister used to sing,
"Christmas is coming.
The goose is getting fat.
Please put a penny in the old man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do.
If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you."

When we were quite young this song made us laugh and laugh. We finally figured out that a ha'penny is half a penny. That in and of itself was pretty funny. We imagined someone cutting a penny in half!
Why would a goose be getting fat? Oh... some people must eat goose! "Ew" we thought. And how could you eat a goose you knew? The "old man" conjured up pictures of someone like Aqua-lung. ("Snot running down his nose...") We would never give that guy a penny! We'd run away! All in all the song made little sense to us, but it was fun to sing!

I find myself singing the song lately. I ponder, "Christmas is coming. It is illegal in California to fatten a goose on purpose. No more fois gras here. Am I to assume all old men need a penny? Most old men I know are doing quite well in their retirement. I certainly don't have a ha'penny. Well, maybe I do. I'll have to look through my old coins from my trip to Europe when I was 15. Don't know why God would care whether I had a ha'penny or not though..." Silliness! The workings of my brain.

As Christmas approaches I find myself thinking about choices I've made in the past year and choices I've made in my life that have brought me to this point. It is easy to sink into a profound depression regretting decisions made by one's younger self. Did I turn my back on opportunities that could have led me down a different path? I'm sure I did. I'm sure I could have made more money, been more famous... whatever. But then, I have to stop and really look at where I am. It is true that times have been difficult, not only for us, but all over. My under-employment has as much to do with the economic realities of the times as it does with the choices I've made.

And what about those choices? I decided to stay in California, in part, to be close to my mother who was very ill the last ten years of her life. Now I try to stay and work in California because my dad is older and I want to spend as much time with him as I can before I lose him too. California is an easier place for my husband to manage. He can't travel much anymore. Frankly, I prefer the weather here. I like owning and driving my own car. I like how big the outdoors are and I love my plenty big house.

So... attitude adjustment. I found a poinsettia for $2.99 at Trader Joe's. It is beautiful. I've decorated my house with all the ornaments and lights I've had for years. Long ago we bought an artificial tree and it suits me just fine. I'm not allergic to it. The house looks good. I'm baking my grandmother's cookies that only I know how to make and making that the gift I give my family. I am again cooking for most of my family for Christmas brunch, up at my dad's house. This fills my dad with joy! And it is fairly easy.
I have the most wonderful loving husband who takes care of me better than I could have ever hoped when I was that young girl laughing over the lyrics to an English Christmas song. The view out my back window right now of the local mountains swathed in clouds, the rainy day, my husband plucking on the guitar, the glass of cheap chablis I'm drinking all delight the hell out of me. I am lucky and, son-of-a-bitch, I am happy.

I know what a difficult time this can be for some people. My heart goes out. One has to find one's own way out of that miasma of despondency and melancholia that cripples some and brings others so much grief. I have found my way back up and out again. It is the little things we can sometime look to. Family, friends and home. Thank goodness.

I celebrate Christmas, so Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays to everyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas. Happy end of another (insert your own adjective) year. Next stop, 2013. Bring it on!

xo

The Luxury Of Art.

We have been inundated lately with the "loop holes" congress is considering to balance the budget. Gosh, I hope one of them is not my mortgage interest. Then I think... well, maybe they will eliminate the deduction on healthcare. Geeze... that is a large part of our income... hmmm, charitable deductions? Employee business expense? No one is offering any specifics except when it comes to the Arts.

Yes! Let's get rid of the pittance we give to theatre and independent film and dance and music. Let us abolish that! Those (very few) dollars will make up the deficit. Assholes.

Every major country supports the arts. Except this one. Why? Well, most people (except in this country) understand that The Arts is who we are. Not us. No, no no. Not us. We seem to honestly think that if people can have a roof.. and I mean a simple tarp... some food.. and I mean what you can buy with food stamps.. we'll be okay. Some Republicans think supplying that is too much. How then are we to make a case for ART?

Well. I don't think we should offer a piece of theatre when a population is literally starving. I think we need to find a way to feed them first. I think we need to offer more than a tarp as a home. Yes! I get that. But after that then, what?

Why do we live? It is the greater question. One could offer religion though I find that argument specious at best. Art does something else nothing else does. It offers a reason for this existence.

I am a theatre artist. I am proud of it. I teach art. I practice art. I help create art.

I can't imagine living such a mean life without a song or a painting or a poem or a play. Art gives meaning to our existence and more than that exemplifies our hopes and dreams.

Without art we are nothing but apes living in cities instead of trees.

Art mirrors us, teaches us, restores us, entertains us, reflects us and ultimately defines who we are.

K. Have to move on to the monetary issue. The small amount of money we get from the government allows us to reach and teach students of all ages. That small bit of money from the NEA allows us to develop new work that can change someone's mind. That bit of money enables theatre companies all over the country to employ hundreds of workers and artists and stagehands and publicists and stage managers and actors and ... All who will pay taxes on this income.

It is just the that very tiny push of Federal Money that makes the difference.

We need this. Art defines us. Art describes us. Art informs us. Art changes the way we look at the world. Art brings us joy and sorrow.  Art is who we are. Without Art we might as well be apes looking out for the next fruit filled tree.

And... We are better than that.
xo