I Was Wrong.

Think of yourself in 10 years.  Okay... depending on your age, 15 or 20 years from now. Just take a moment.

You are successful now (or about to be) and your entire future is yet to come.  Maybe you are just hitting your peak. (So, you are what, about 38?) You are doing the best work of your life and as the years go by you just become better. Everybody wants to hire you! Everyone has heard of you and wants you for their show. You can't accept all the offers, you make choices that keep you closer to home.  You've been to NY and London and back again. You are listed in published scripts as THE stage manager. (You are listed in Who's Who in America.) You teach your profession to the next generation.

Then, time passes and you get older. You keep stage managing shows. You are, of course, wiser. You have more experience than anyone else. You are GOOD.  Somehow, you've become less welcome. You look at your career and wonder why. You look around and see the people you've trained get the jobs you need to pay your mortgage and earn your health insurance. There is no rancor here. You are proud of your students. You are happy they have entered into this strange weird work force.

But you wonder. Why not me?

Your recommendation means more than your own resume. Why?  The answer can only be youth. Think about it for a sec. Really.

Does management look at one as being a little too long in the tooth?

I thought I was in a business that was age-proof.

I was wrong.

Easy Peasy Cranberry Sauce Recipes.

As a favor to my dear relatives who were effusive in their praise for my cranberry sauces and asked for the recipes ... Here they are.

Simple Cranberry Sauce. (Everybody likes this and the recipe is on the Ocean Spray Whole Cranberry packet. Look on the back. Take note! I've changed one bit of the instruction, so pay attention.)

First: Use the fresh cranberries, y'all, NOT the canned. Read the entire recipe before you start cooking.

1 cup of water and 1 cup of sugar. Put them in a saucepan and heat and stir to just boiling. Add the rinsed cranberries. Bring it all back to a boil. Reduce the heat and boil gently for 10 FULL minutes. Put a spoon in the serving bowl (so it won't break) and pour in the cranberry sauce. Contrary to the Ocean Spray instruction, DON'T COVER (too much moisture forms inside). Let it get to room temperature. REALLY, don't rush this. Then cover and refrigerate for at least 24 hours.  Follow these directions to the letter and you will get perfect cranberry sauce every time! (I promise.)

The cranberry sauce that was the hit yesterday: (I kinda stole this from Food Network, though the amounts are mine.)

Rinse one package of fresh cranberries in a colander. Take one navel orange and grate all the zest on top of the cranberries still in the colander. Set aside and allow them to drain. Meanwhile, cut the now naked navel orange into quarters. Squeeze the juice into a 1 cup container. You should end up with about half a cup of fresh orange juice. Add enough water to the container to equal a cup. Put 1/2 cup of sugar in a small saucepan and add the orange juice and water mixture. (There is a lot of sugar in the orange.) Bring to a boil. Add the cranberries. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat and boil gently for 10 minutes. Be Patient! Boil for 10 minutes! It will reduce beautifully! Add a handful and a half of dried cranberries. (I use Crasains, but I don't think it matters.) Blend gently. Put a metal spoon into your serving bowl to collect the heat. Pour into that serving bowl. Please, allow the mixture to cool to room temperature. THEN cover and refrigerate for 24 hours. Serve.

This recipe is an incredible crowd pleaser! Try it! Even my 18 year old niece loved it. (She is very picky!) My husband eats it like Jello.

I've played with cranberry recipes for a long time. I've tried cinnamon, allspice, ginger and pumpkin pie spice. I've added different fruits, including oranges. I've never had a response like I did this year. I brought 2 kinds of cranberry sauce to Thanksgiving Dinner, the plain and the one I adapted and adopted from "The Best Thing I Ever Ate" on the Food Network.  I'm usually taking an entire bowl full of cranberry sauce home. Yesterday, we had a couple of teaspoons left at the end of the meal and our guests were all fighting for the leftovers. (I gave it away, came home and made another entire bowl from scratch for my husband and me. Easy-peasy. Took at total of 15 minutes to create, the rest of the day to get to room temp. and some hours in the fridge.)

To my dear friends and family... Here it is! So easy! You never have to be afraid of Cranberry Sauce again... And you don't have to buy that weird can of ribbed cranberry jelly!

xo.

(By the way... if you really want cranberry jelly and can't abide the whole cranberries, let it cool a bit and put it all in a blender before you put it in the fridge. You will have JELLY.)

Saturday to Saturday.

Another Saturday. Another very satisfying day. I slept 11 hours or so and got up to a husband cheery and ready for the day. (Cleaning Day!) We have family coming over tomorrow so it was time to scrub the floors and the bathrooms and maybe dust a little. I'd shopped yesterday.

After 11 hours of sleep, I desperately needed coffee first! I had a little breakfast, read the paper, did the Saturday puzzles (love them) and finally took my shower, cleaning the shower as I showered. (small giggle) Easier that way!  I joined Phil cleaning the house, spending most of my time on my bathroom and finally taking over the mopping when he needed to collapse. (The MS, remember?)

(Clean House!)

Then, oh, my gosh, I had a ticket to a matinee! Time to get ready!

The theatre is quite close to my house so the drive was easy, no freeways. I arrived early per usual, had a smoke, visited the water fountain and settled in for the performance.

The show should have been a light romp, a fun couple of hours, but the director was a little heavy-handed and the magic was missing. I still had a grand time watching my actor-friend play the only straight role as he tried to add some comedy and float to the otherwise leaden presentation.  The set was workable, the lighting mostly good, the sound was near perfect (designed by another friend of mine) and the theatre ...lovely.

I was a little distracted by the phone that rang a bit too long after it was answered and the tie that was left on the floor under the sofa from the first scene through to the end of the performance. (One would hope the stage manager could have seen this from the booth.) The scene shifts were occasionally sloppy and too long. (I can't help noticing these things. Little details make a huge difference though I don't believe the audience realizes it consciously.)  Through it all my friend added so much charm to the performance I enjoyed a very pleasant afternoon. I was glad I'd come.

After meeting with my friend for a quick visit I hurried home to cook dinner. I'd bacon left from the dinner I cooked last week, some very fresh tomatoes and an avocado that had to be eaten today! I made burgers with swiss cheese and bacon (and avocado), a little bit of pasta as a side dish and a salad. I had some pickling cucumbers that were so fresh they added just the right crunch and flavor to the salad. Success!

After dinner we watched streaming Netflix (still on our second go-round with Torchwood) and then... off to bed. The first of the holiday festivities begin tomorrow. My brother-in-law and his wife come over for a bit of lunch and a visit before they head up to her family Thanksgiving in San Francisco. Monday, I teach and pick up the Honey Baked Ham. Tuesday, I'll get my nails done and go to Cost-Co with Dad. One of my sisters comes into town Tuesday. (My Aunt is already here.) Wednesday is all about cooking, with a quick stop at the local farmer for some fresh corn. Another two sisters and I are cooking for 24 people. Wow. Still a smaller group than we've had. Easy-Peasy.

Friday will be spent with my husband. He is not well enough to come to Thanksgiving, so we'll have our day with each other on Friday. Then... well, we'll be back to Saturday again.

Happy Thanksgiving y'all! Enjoy your family and friends. Ultimately, it is about the people and the visiting. The food is just the excuse.

xo.

First Person. Living In The Moment.

It is inevitable. It is the way the world is. Days go by.

Some days are spent with small tasks, small accomplishments.

I got the car smogged. (Okay, that was Thursday.)
The wash is done. (Phil did it. Yesterday.)
The dishes are clean again. (God, the dishes... seems like everyday there are dishes to do!)
I made my bed. (Yesterday and Today!)

I take pleasure and satisfaction in the tiniest tasks, those small accomplishments.

I checked my email. That took a while. I have 3 accounts.

I spent a little less time on facebook and a little more time talking to people.
I walked.
I did some weight lifting. (My arms are a little saggy.)
I bought a ticket to a show and I thought about calling my friend and then I forgot to.

I checked the mail, threw out most of it and filed the rest.

I wandered away and later Phil picked me up at the grocery store.

I made the best dinner ever! (Filet Mignon wrapped with bacon on the bar-b-cue. A salad, some garlic bread, baked potatoes and lima beans.) Marvelous.

I sat with my husband and watched old time television (Dick Van Dyke) and we talked.
He and I ignored today's news.

We'd taped 13 hours of a marathon and didn't watch network television while the taping was going on.  Our system wouldn't let us. But, we found a way to use Netflix. (yay) (Hence, the Dick Van Dyke episodes...)

We watched 2 hours of what we'd taped.

He went to bed.

And here I am.

I never worried about tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. I never worried at all. Nothing to be done until Monday. No point worrying. No point anyway.

Tomorrow is Sunday.

Sunday is a bright and wonderful new day. I've lots to do.

Living in the moment works. Always.

Obsession.

I've been thinking about obsession. The condition, the emotion and what it means. In the last couple of days I've been obsessed with Keith Olbermann and it has made me really think about how I feel about him and his news program. I find I'm watching more Rachel Maddow because of the obsession. It is all good. I gain more insight and become more thoughtful.

I have gone through my life obsessed about one thing or another. My great obsession is clearly Theatre and to a lesser degree, teaching. Though, that may not be true. My calling may in fact be teaching. I'll have to think about that.

I'm talking about the obsession with particular characters or people. My husband and I've spent a lot of time recently watching the latest version of DOCTOR WHO. Okay, I'm obsessed with David Tennant who plays the 10th Doctor. We discovered TORCHWOOD first and I was obsessed with the character Captain Jack Harkness. We discovered Doctor Who because we were looking for more stories about Captain Jack. We've been re-watching the entire two series, in order this time. So good, and now we understand the very complicated world of Doctor Who.

Yeah, I'm a sci-fi fan. Note: I did not say fanatic. I love the time-travel conundrum. I love the complication and the discussion afterwards. Takes me away.

Back to obsessions. When I was a kid, 13 or so, I was mad for Star Trek. I went to White Front (The 1966 version of Wal-Mart) and met Leonard Nimoy. I was beside myself! He was signing his first album (I'd bought it long before the signing) and I stood in line with my best friend, Barbara Redding, giggling and gleeful as we made our way to the podium. I touched his arm. He smiled, indulgently. I was in heaven. It was not Leonard Nimoy I'd come to see, but Spock. And it was so special.

At 13 my bedroom was covered with photos cut out from teen magazines. I loved Bobby Sherman and Davy Jones. I loved Spock. (Sorry Bill, I only came to love you after we did a show together.) I loved the idea of Superman. I had what my mother called, "a shrine" to The Lord of the Rings. But that was a book. Okay, for me at the time, THE BOOK.  My obsession with those characters was all what I created in my imagination. I became obsessed with Tolkien and read everything he wrote and everything written about him. I think I still have his obituary somewhere. (In high school and college I wrote every paper about him, when I could. I was an expert!)

Later, my friends will tell you, I became obsessed with Remmington Steele. I loved the character and I loved the romance. It all ended when I saw Pierce Bronson in person. Hmm. Not what I expected.

I loved everyone who played Superman, except the last one. Can't even remember his name. My particular obsession was with Dean Cain. Sadly, not a very good actor, but oh how he looked! He was perfect. I own the DVDs and sit and watch the series Lois and Clark, The New Adventures of Superman still, to this day.

These are all harmless. Harmless obsessions. The danger comes when one becomes obsessed with someone one knows, in real life.

I've managed to avoid this through most of my life, but I clearly have an obsessive nature. What I've discovered is that obsession is the quickest way to end a relationship. Obsession is scary to the object of the obsession. And generally unwanted. Don't you think I'd have learned this in high school?  (Though one weird obsession has resulted in a life-long friendship. Another, ultimately healthier obsession has resulted in my marriage. Yes, I was obsessed with Phil. I still am.)

I've been told I'm just passionate.

Maybe. Sometimes I think I'm just a little out of my head.

Obsession is a childhood fantasy that needs to be put away. It took me a long time to understand that. Enjoy the story, but awake to the reality of my day.

"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."
Chapter 13, verse 11
 
I am now full grown. I see more clearly than I did before. Those obsessions are leftovers. Ort in crossword puzzles. I am free of them. And yet, in some small way I am more solitary. I miss Spock in my dreams.

The Truth And Tongue In Cheek.

It is quiet tonight. No late night parties next door, no dogs barking. Blissful and silent. I like these quiet moments, the alone times. I like them because I am not alone and share my life, my days and evenings with my best friend and dear husband. (One and the same.) He gets plenty of time alone as I wander off to walk or to work or to a meeting or coffee with a friend. He gets the early mornings and I get the late nights. It suits us.

His MS is progressing. We spend a lot of time together and apart, waiting, in doctors' offices. In addition to my father (The Pathologist) who initially recognized his great need, my husband has four doctors. The Internist, The Neurologist, The Hematologist and recently, The Opthamologist. We are looking for a remedy, a new drug or procedure or maybe we are just whistling in the dark optimistically searching for that rare sprinkle of hope.

I spend an inordinate amount of time talking to our insurance company to insure we are covered. I talk to the doctors' billing office to insure the insurance we have is in fact the insurance we have will insure that we will not be unexpectedly out of pocket.  Oh, god. So complicated!

We read all the magazines and all the newspaper articles. We search the internet. Because my dad is so well connected, we talk to all the best doctors. Phil's neurologist has even given us his cell phone number! (I don't need advice about the "new" MS treatments.  Please don't share. I'll be polite, but trust me, we know it all already.)

Hmm. You may respond with "Oh, Gosh... How are you both?" Dear friends it is okay.

You know why and you know what? It is what it is. He has a chronic condition, a disease that has no cure. It may kill him. The treatments may kill him. What to do?

We live.

I think, "That's your lot in life Lalena... Can't blame ya..."

We do... well. When Phil feels well, well, he mows the lawn, front and back...a little out of his head, he waters and puts the mower away.  He does the wash. (We don't have a washing machine or dryer, so this is a once a week trek to the laundramat.) He sometimes takes a prescribed pill he tells me is like cocaine that enables him to go about his day. With or without the pill he pays for all of this. There is always a cost. He collapses. He has a hangover from the exertion and from that pill. He has a difficult next day. And yet... after a bit of frustration and a bit of desperation, he recovers enough to regain his cheery self. "Happy Hilow" some people called him. He is. But he doesn't want to live like this. I understand.

So. The glory has to be in the time we spend together. We share so much. We share everything. We spend a lot of time in front of the t.v. but we don't watch the very expensive programming we pay for. We watch Keith and Rachel, we watch Jeopardy and Project Runway. We watch Brothers and Sisters, mostly because I like it, we watch sports and Cash Cab. Oh, and Sunday Morning (we tape that.) I honestly can't think of anything else on network television or cable that we watch with any regularity.  We sit in front of our (finally) flat screen tv and watch netflix or streaming internet television. Brillant!
(So... Doctor Who, Torchwood, all our favorite movies and movies we've never seen... old and new... TWIT tv, old cartoons...endless choices.) OR, we play games.  Bananagrams is our current favorite. He can compete in this game. It is not about fast, it is about creating words. We like it. Sometimes he reads to me while I cook dinner. Sometimes we chat while he does the dishes. Sometimes we read the newspaper together. Sometimes he helps me with the crossword. (Is that cheating?) Sometimes I put out cheese and salami and crackers and hummus and we play music and chat. Sometimes we just take a drive. (We can get out of the neighborhood and into the wilderness in two minutes flat!) Sometimes we go to the candy store. (See's)

See?  We are okay.

It is just life. A life. Our life. We get to share it with each other and we are lucky.

I wish you all the luck and happiness we have found. (Careful, this might be a curse!)

A Pumpkin Patch In November.

Yes, it has been too long.  I've been living.  I've been spending some time with Dad and the nephew.  I've been talking to sisters, mostly about Thanksgiving and Christmas Shopping. In my family we start talking about Thanksgiving in February. We don't see each other very often, so these are important discussions.

I've been out of work for a little more than two weeks and it is all okay. I've needed to spend this down time with my dear husband.  He needs me more than he will ever tell me, and as long as I don't get too stressed about unemployment, he and I can enjoy this time we spend together!  I am determined to continue to have confidence in my reputation. Something will turn up. Nothing to worry about.  Nothing to do about it anyway!

Ah, then there is politics. Not sure I really want to go there tonight.  I'd rather talk about the wider world, or maybe the more intimate one.  Do I need to go into the "life is hard" complaint and what that precludes? How those thoughts stop us from enjoying each new day?  Meaning, yeah, so what.  Life is hard. Pay your taxes, love your family, make a living.. whatever that means to you... and get on with it!  Don't let the fact that living life is so difficult that you forget to actually go out and live your life. Don't sit home, don't sulk. LIVE.

People say, "Follow your bliss." What does that mean, exactly? Seems a little hackneyed to me. I've found that helping someone gives me more joy than any Disneyland trip I've ever taken. (I gave $10 to my nephew the other day, just because. What joy.)

I have some pictures.

This is a group of aging stage managers at breakfast.  I was a little "puffy" that day.  We all worked together for many years, then things um.. changed. We are all on our own. We still meet for breakfast! How great is that?

I shot this beautiful picture on a walk I took just last week. I call it "Sun through the Clouds." But, it is actually the silver lining we all hope to see.

I love these photos. They speak to me of California Fall, the clear and oddly warm days, the chilly nights. We do have seasons. The days are majestic!

See?

My friend will be delighted that I included some ghost pumpkins in this post! Look! They are in the middle! Oh... so Autumn. I love it!

Happiness may be as simple as a pumpkin patch in November...