Christmas 2011

All the shopping (gift and food) is done. My final task (a joy... really) today was to have lunch with one of my sisters and together go buy those last minute gifts for Christmas. My 3! sisters and I try to go Christmas shopping together every year, but we are successful only occasionally. If two of us can manage it, then two of us go, but oh! It is so much fun when it is all four of us wandering the mall, checking in on our cell phones, "Look, I found something for your husband!" or "Will this fit your son?" or "If I bought this for you will you look surprised?" or "Come over to the perfume counter.. the line is really short and they'll ring up your daughter's present!" So much fun. When there is just the two of us it is all a little less frenetic, calmer and relaxed. My sister Jenny and I went out today and braved the crowds. We went to an extraordinarily crowded mall... had a plan, bought two items.. one for her boyfriend and one for my dad. Then, we left that awful place and headed for Target. I bought the "toys for tots" that Phil and I do every year and she found something for all the bros-in-law.  Then we went to Trader Joe's across the street. I've been scouring different Trader Joe's around town trying to find a Christmas Ham. They are sold out everywhere. I finally bought one at Von's. Oh well. I'm sure it will be fine. It is just for the two of us... Christmas Eve dinner. Our tradition. (A family can be just two.)

Okay, I'm sure you are wondering what I am making. Well! Clearly the Christmas ham and my cranberry sauce (see last year's recipe.) Then.. Brussels sprouts off the stalk with butter, mashed potatoes AND yams with peaches and ginger, a lovely salad. I bought a chocolate grenache for dessert! Yay!

Christmas morning I am cooking brunch for all my family in town. (2 nephews, 2 nieces, 3 sisters, 2 brothers-in-law, 1 boyfriend, 1 girlfriend (my dad's), my dad, my dad's girlfriend's daughter, my dad's caretaker and maybe, if he is feeling well enough to come, my husband. Whew! Quite a crowd. It is all good. It is always like that. (My brother and his 4 kids and his wife celebrate Christmas in Sacramento, of all places. We miss them.)

I am serving, first and foremost... Mimosas.. (You know, champagne and orange juice.) Scrambled eggs,  done simply - no added ingredients, okay, well, milk or soy milk or whatever is needed for my weird family's needs, Christmas sausage (my secret), fruit salad, blueberry bread, figs, Honey Baked Ham (the real stuff) and vegetarian sausages I found for my poor dad who after 2 recent heart surgeries has developed gout... He is better now, and home! (I've been VERY strict about his diet.) As my dad would say, "Ain't the internet grand!" Only the actual cooking is left to do.

I start a new show Monday. Yay. Work! Love that. I've been oh so busy during my one week off, but it has been "grand." I'm as happy as I've ever been and I'm sitting here in the middle of the night thinking of all you readers, wishing you the most Merry (Mary) Christmas and Best Holiday Season ever. Things are looking up. They really are. We just have to hold on to hope.

All will be well.

xo

m.

Dad O.

It is late. My husband has gone to bed. I have these lonesome night times to compose a few little thoughts I wanted to share with y'all.

On my way to work, last week, I had to pause before getting on the freeway so two horses with riders could pass. That is where I live. How cool is that! I smiled all day.

My Dad came HOME today. yeah!  Yay! I thought I was going to lose him. But he survived the initial heart surgery and survived the subsequent emergency surgery and is recovering. OH my goodness. He is okay! He is home! We hired 24 hour care for right now. We will never send Dad to a nursing home. He will live in his home til the day he dies. My sister Dedie is a hero. She arranged all this. My dad thinks god made him sick to bring me and my siblings closer together. He actually said this. (This surprised me.) But, you know what? I realized my sisters and my brother are in fact my best friends.

So, I saw snow in the local mountains just in time for Christmas.

I am shopping tomorrow, but only for special people. My Dad's girlfriend.. she needs a really good present. She has been great. This would piss my dead mother off, but... We love her. Helen is so dedicated to my Dad.  I know Mom would forgive us. (Dad talks about Mom constantly.)

This post is a a little more personal than I usually post. I like to be less direct. But. I am overwhelmed with happiness that Dad O is back home.

Oh... that is is what I've always called my dad... Dad O. Don't know why. It is one of those things that just is.

Hope y'all have a Great  Holiday Season!

xoxo
m.

My Day, Today.

OOh, I feel So Connected! So silly... I have an Ipad now. Can't write my blog on it. Different companies are arguing over apps.

OH. So cool, I can connect to Icloud and get my Itunes... No... I don't have Intel inside... need a newer computer.

I can use Amazon Cloud! No, I need to use a different notebook. Ok..

I'll go to my Tmobile account and download my pics! No, I have to have an android device to use this.

Fuck.

Yes... I've found the ways around all of this, but it is an unnecessary pain in the ass!

Competing companies are spoiling my high! Had to go "low tech" and use my computer to write this. LOL
Really, makes me laugh.

Love the Ipad. Love it. Hope it will be able to help me more... later.

My husband recently told me, "I love how you walk. You hold your head up high and have good posture." I remember when I made the decision to walk this way. In 1972 my dear friend Guy de Garcia  was walking down some street in Berkeley. His head was high and he never looked at the ground. I loved the way he looked. So confident, so serene. I thought, "This is it. This is the way to approach the world." I've never looked down ever since. Sometimes one will trip, but the view is so much better from up here, looking ahead!

I am currently stage managing "The Night Watcher" at the Kurt Douglas Theatre in Culver City. This is a play written and performed by Charlayne Woodard. She is A National Treasure. Directed by (who we call) Broadway Dan Sullivan. It is brilliant. THIS is why I do theatre. She and I are so in sync that the show has a finesse you will not see elsewhere. We close in a week. Come and see us!

My dad is doing better than we could have ever expected, after 2! heart surgeries, one an emergency to save his life. He will be home by Christmas.

It is getting late and I am giving a final tomorrow at 8am. But, I am looking forward to the day. I will miss these lovely students. I wish them all the luck and good connections in the world.

xo

The Day As It Is.

So.
It has been a while. Missed you.

I've been a bit busy. My father has had open heart surgery and then, less than a week later, emergency open-heart surgery. He is finally slowly recovering. He went into the hospital my first day of rehearsal; we've now opened and are running and he is out of the ICU. It has been scary for a while. Thank goodness, he is recovering.

My current show is remarkable. THE NIGHT WATCHER, written and performed by Charlayne Woodard. She is a National Treasure. The country has yet to see it. She is the story teller of our lives. If you are in L.A. you must take an evening and see her. Truly... we are doing great theatre. (We are at the Kirk Douglas Theatre in Culver City.) You won't be disappointed. I'm so proud of her and my work with her. Please come!

I am watching the Los Angeles Police dismantle Occupy L.A. right now. In real time. I'm a little confused by Occupy L.A. They've been offered office space free for 10 years. Why not take that and start a real movement? Feels like such a gift to me. What we could have done with that in 1970. Really.

Ultimately you can't protest for the sake of protesting. You have to finally DO something. These children, new to protesting need to appreciate the world has changed and take the opportunities offered.

Take a look at how organized the Black Panthers were. How about all the work Martin Luther King did to organize. You can't just sit in a park. This all has to be bigger than yourself.

I agree with near everything the protesters want. But... it has all become about something else. They have turned this into a free speech movement. Hmmm, I thought it was about the banks and Wall Street and the Super Rich playing against the rest of us. Wasn't all of this supposed to be about who gets the most money?

Money, money, money.... I don't work for money... okay.. I do... But, mostly I work for my art. My life is my art. The money I earn seems to be calculated by how valuable my art is to most people. You know what? I'm okay with that. I think my art is worth trillions of dollars.

I think the art of my colleagues and friends are worth much more than that.

I think all of us, every single one of us, needs to reach out and find someone who needs help.

I think we have to give up on government to help us. I think we almost need to adopt Amish ways and always help our neighbor. Really. Look next door.

You know, you don't have to "wake up happy" but you do need to wake up and face each new day with a little bit of joy. Trust me. It makes all the difference in the world.

xoxo
so glad you stayed with me, my friends.

Dear Prudence.

So, politics lately... WTF. No, you know what.. I can say it, "What the fuck?" I heard that congress spent today again arguing about abortion. Yeah, you know what? No one is a fan of abortion. It is a horrible form of birth control. But! Women and their doctors need to make these horrible decisions, not congress. I am past the age of child-bearing and yet I worry about all our young women. Congress seems intent on passing legislation re: miscarriages. I don't get this. Don't these people understand that miscarriages are nature's way of correcting mistakes? Oh, yeah, I forgot. They don't believe in nature. They would prefer mothers to die in an attempt to keep an inviable fetus alive and leave the living children motherless then deny those children basic health care or support of any kind.
Since 1976 there has been a law preventing government from paying for abortions. Abortions are in fact legal in this country as long as the government doesn't pay for it. Ok. I'll buy that. Some people don't want their tax dollars spent on something that is diametrically opposed to "right to life." I get it. Why do we have to keep talking about it? This is a law on the books. If you don't believe in abortion, don't have one. If you need an abortion, pay for it yourself. Ok. Got it. Leave it. If you think it is murder, change the constitution, and then be prepared for the consequences and take care of those thousand unwanted children and those poor desperate women looking for some relief.  You men need to take a little more responsibility here. Stop raping. Stop impregnating. Stop forcing. Stop cajoling. Stop threatening. Stop taking advantage. Stop. (Oh, and STOP having sex.)

The larger problem is that abortion is not what the country cares about right now. People need jobs! You've read my blog... work is hard to find. Could I help to make ends meet working at a fast-food restaurant? Well, of course. Will they hire me? No. I'm 57 years old. I have a BA and a year of graduate work. The low income employers will not spend the time to train me when they risk losing me to a better job. This is the reality. And health care? Those low income jobs do not offer health care. They will keep one to 39 hours a week so one is always a part-time worker.

I teach on Mondays at USC. It is a part-time job I've had for years. I teach on Mondays because in my business that is my day off. When I do get a "full-time" job I work Tuesdays thru Sundays. When I'm working, I work 7 days a week. Theatre is what I know and what I do well. I'm lucky right now. I've work until well into June. But my work doesn't exist unless people support the arts. (Oh, and I make less now than I did in the 1980s. Substantially less.)

I support the "Occupy Wall Street." I don't care that they don't have a concrete solution. I support and agree with their frustration. I will never understand the Supreme Court decision to make corporations individuals and allow all that 1% money to flow to ultra right conservatives. I feel like our democracy has been stolen from us.

Not what I ever want to talk about. I hate this stuff. I NEED to stay light and happy and optimistic each and every day. I have to think of my family. Day to day we have to more than survive. We have to thrive. We have to make each day count for something.

At least once a couple of weeks I have to talk to our health insurance company. We see doctors all months of the year. We talk to doctors nearly every week. That is the world one lives in when one has a spouse with a chronic disease. It's okay. I accept that. But does our do nothing congress have to make everyday life more difficult?

Who are these people controlling our lives? Why does my husband's drug for MS cost $40,000 a year? Really? Are you fucking kidding me? We already pay nearly nine grand a year for the privilege of coverage. Our co-pay is so high we have a charity paying part of it. I HATE this.

There is something just plain wrong here.

And yet, I will wake up happy every morning, hoping and looking at the new day. My husband does the same thing. Maybe today will be better.

So.. we start the day with hope and will not be deterred. The sun is up. The sky is blue. It's beautiful and so are you.

Dear Prudence. Won't you come out to play?

Kinda Perfect Day.

No more rants right now. I'm just tired of being angry.

I love the protests going on all over the country. I love the "Occupy Wall Street." I think we are finally seeing a "grass-roots" response to what has been going on in our country. The Tea-Party was never grass-roots, as we've all finally discovered. (Though some members may still believe that so.)

I had a beautiful day. My husband can no longer walk any real distance at all. He has always taken himself to a particularly good dentist in West L.A. by himself. (He's been seeing this dentist for a very long time and when we moved was not willing to change dentists.) Parking in West L.A. and very adjacent Brentwood is expensive. In the past, he'd find a meter on the street and could use his handicapped placard and his cane. (The dentist is in a medical building that provides handicapped spaces, but they are always in use and are always VERY expensive.) He can't walk from "up the street" anymore. I drove him today. I let him off and we agreed I'd come back when he was finished with his appointment.

Well. We were very far from our home. But. We were very close to to my first school. Down the block and on the same street as Phil's dentist, St. Sebastian's School where I started kindergarten 52 years ago last month. I was 4. My mother was in labor with my sister so my older brother and my Dad had to take me to school. I didn't know it then, but my brother hung outside the kindergarten room and watched me thru the window until he was sure I was ok. Yeah! Brothers are good!

I walked around a neighborhood I hadn't walked since I was about 6. I parked near the apartment my mother rented for us all on Ohio St. I gazed up at the 2nd floor apt. and made the walk to the school as I'd done many times in 1958-1959. I remembered there was a field we crossed as a short cut. The field is long gone, all apartments now. I once lost a precious piece of jewelry my mother let me wear to school one day. A crucifix. I lost it in that field. I looked for it yet again, today.. over the paved parking lots and outside the new buildings. How could I not?

When I started school St. Sebastian's had a small wooden church across the street from the school. The parish tore it down and built a larger church. I remember, at 6 years old, "Oh, no! My Church will be too big!" I was sad. I'd had my first communion in the old church. When the new rebuilt one opened it seemed overwhelmingly large and too new. Right at that time Vatican II came in. Everything about the church was less magical. I can't explain it right now. But, at 6 years old, it all felt different, foreign and ultimately less.

I went into the church today. You know? It is still a tiny little church. It smelled right. It was open to all, in the middle of the day. I looked for someone to talk to... to say, "I've not been here in 50 years.." and there was no one. The church was wide open. I was astounded by the trust, as I trusted when I was young, that no one would dare defame a church left open. I felt welcome and safe. Hm. Hope.

Thinking I still had time I walked up the very long hill to the Dentist's Office hoping to use the restroom. By the time I'd walked a much longer distance than I'd expected, Phil was done with his appointment and ready to leave. Oh, great. The car is 1/2 a mile away. Uh. Sorry, honey, wait right here!  (I walked very quickly back to the car.)

We decided to get off the freeway early to stop at Forensis Farms. (My dad knows the farmer... his name is John, so we call it: Farmer John's!) Phil and I bought the always amazingly good corn and the most beautiful and tasteful tomatoes ever grown. We bought a huge green/red/yellow/orange pepper so perfect I want to display it and never eat it. Then, encouraged, we went to Trader Joe's. Phil was feeling up to it.

Back again to home. I made some necessary calls to our insurance company and arranged for another round of meds for my dear husband. Then, both of us sat and played online on our separate computers until dinner. (I made BLT's with those beautiful tomatoes and cooked some of the luscious corn.) We watched a little Keith, we watched Ken Burn's Prohibition, we watched a little Netflix.

Right now I'm listening to coyotes howl.

Kinda perfect day.

My New Rant.

My disbelief in what Americans will buy these days is stretched to its limit. When did we become a country that was more religious and less rational? I did not grow up this way and I was raised Catholic! We, my family and I, have always believed in the separation of Church and State. When did this become an issue?

Who are these people who want to put religion back into the constitution? Why do they want to take away rights all the time saying they want the government to have less power? Do they have an inkling of understanding that to enforce what they want, they need the government? When they say, "Cut taxes, not defense" it is an oxymoron. Do they even understand the word "oxymoron."?

No, because they are "morons." I may not know where to put the period in my piece, but I know the difference between piece and peace. I know that there and their and they're are different words and mean different things. I know its and it's have very different meanings. I know were, where, we're are in fact different words and board and bored do not mean the same thing.  Your, you're communicate different meanings.  What the fuck.

I'm listening and reading people who can't communicate in their own language. They are  running for President! Doesn't that disturb you on some level?  Really? It doesn't? Is it because you don't know how to use your own language? So.. you want everyone to be as dumb as you are?  Really? The President? You want to have a beer with him? Wouldn't you rather he/she make the choices you can't make? Wouldn't you rather have someone smarter than you who could lead the planet to new beginnings?

Really. Grow up. Listen. Look. Who is smarter. We want the smartest person to be President. NOT the guy we want to hang with. He's okay. But, can he talk to the world?

WAKE UP! We cannot have the religious right take over the country. I'm honestly worried about this. We need clear thinkers. We need to pay attention to our Nobel Laurate Economists. We need to listen to our scientists. We need to be smart.

Ok.
My Rant.
Done.
xo.

More About California.

I told my father about my husband and my attempts to have day vacations. Local things where I could get us back in time to have dinner at home.

So, my Dad said, "How about San Francisquito Canyon?" (Think: San Francis Quito. Then you can pronounce it.) My dear husband and I traveled the complicated route off the Golden State Freeway into Saugus, some strange directions through very populated areas and made a left. My goodness. Such a wilderness! Thanks Dad! We traveled up and up over a very circuitous route and then up and over the San Andreas Fault and back again.  We saw desert wildness and calmer woodlands. We found a pasture with American Buffalo! I've never seen them in California before! Llamas, yes, Ostriches, yes. But Buffalo? Too cool and new.

The adventure was completely new and took us 3 hours from home.. round trip!

It stuns me how much is right here.

My mother traveled to Italy once, and the Italians asked her, "Why would you come here when you are from California? We want to go there!"

She also told me, "There is a no more beautiful place than California." She showed me the state when I was a child. She took me to Yosemite, to the Muir Woods, to San Francisco. She showed me Tahoe and the High Desert, the Sierras, Santa Cruz, Monterey, Big Sur and San Diego. She took me to every mission in the state.  I have to agree with her. What a GREAT place to live and learn and continually discover. I am constantly discovering and re-discovering new dimensions to this wondrous place. I think California might be heaven.

Phil and I can walk out our door and within 5 blocks be in the wilderness. Within 2 miles we are in the Angeles National Forest. In the car we can be at 5000 feet in about 18 minutes. Oh! What a gift.

I miss the ocean, but he does not. I drag him to the sea every now and again. It is a little farther. But, Oh! the Ocean! And there it is, about 45 minutes away.

My home. My California. My big open spaces.

What I've Been Doing.

I miss talking to my best friends. I love spending time with my husband. And... I miss my friends. I have one friend who has become a pen-pal. How wonderful is that? And how cool. We are intimate in letters, albeit, email letters. It doesn't matter, the communication comes from talking with written words. I love that.

I have another dear friend I need to call. Oh, Nansi, I miss you so. Our timing is just off right now. I will call.. soon.

I got back from 7 weeks away. I'm spending a lot of time with my husband. We miss each other so when we are apart and my work has always kept us away from each other too often. Now is the time to spend time.. together.

We've taken day trips. Day-tripper. He is really not well enough to go overnight anywhere. We've traveled up to a stream in the San Gabriel Mountains. We've taken the back roads to Free Zuma Beach, we've taken a day trip up to Mt. Pinos near Frasier Park. Ah. So Beautiful and so cool and we are back by 5pm.

I need new directions and new destinations. We are never looking for the city thing. We are looking for a little bit of wilderness and isolation. Next time, I think we'll try east. (And into the desert.)

Not going south. Done that too often, and too recently. By the way, it is almost solid city from LA to San Diego.

Almost.

Yeah, East is next. Joshua Tree National Forest. Yeah. East. Out the 210 (Foothill Fwy) to the 10 (Christopher Columbus Transcontinental Hwy.) Out towards the desert.

And back again.

Sorghum And Other Disconnected Observations.

Outside the Dept. of Agriculture the "powers that be" are growing sunflowers, corn and sorghum. I looked at the sorghum and thought, "Hmm, that must be sorghum." I have no idea why I thought that. I don't remember ever seeing sorghum before in my life, can't imagine what it is used for, but I just knew. Sorghum. I later looked it up on Google. Yep. Sorghum. What a word. Sorghum.

Why are there windows on subway trains? Not really much to see. I'm just saying.

Not smart to go out in a Hurricane. Pretty dumb, actually. (I speak from personal experience.)

To my dear East Coast friends: When an earthquake happens "duck and cover." Cover your head with your hands. Duck under a desk or table. Wait until the shaking stops and assess. Do not run around the room in a panic. Do not crowd into an elevator. Do not run outside! Things like bricks are falling from the sky.

Just after one has packed the umbrella and sealed up the box, it starts to rain.

I think as I get older I just don't want to hold my stomach in anymore. Also, my pants tend to fall down.

Off into the late afternoon on a quest for dinner.

Later.

Sorghum...hmmm.

Irene.

The hurricane was horrible. I don't care that they called it a "tropical storm" in D.C. It was horrible. My theatre company cancelled the performance 25 minutes after I'd left for the theatre. I must have been out of my mind to go out in that wind/rain storm! I did. I left at 10 minutes to 5pm. I got the call in the metro... about 5:15, underground, just before I made my connection. I turned around and went back. I met several of my actors traveling back to our apartments. We were all a little leery about going back out in ALL THAT WEATHER! 


I'd heard from my assistants that they'd emailed everyone, but I knew many actors (per my instruction) had left very early to get to the theatre and wouldn't see an email. I'd already received several voice mails and texts asking me if the show was on. Many had seen the show was cancelled on twitter or facebook wanting confirmation before I could get to them. Really, they saw twitter and facebook before I knew. 
I realized I needed to tell each of them, from me, the show was indeed cancelled. I stood in the Eastern Market Metro Station and did just that. I texted them all. Some told me later it was the only message they received. Glad I spent the time and didn't depend on anyone else.


As I made my way back the storm increased. It was about 6pm at this point. The worst of the storm was supposed to hit at 8pm and last until 4am. It was DAMN scary at 6pm. Debris was flying all around. My umbrella was doing that weird back and forth thing, wind one way, then the other. I was soaked, thru my raincoat. I had slipped earlier and didn't realize I'd torn a seam on my shoe and wrenched my knee. My feet were cold and wet. I'd packed my backpack just as a stage manager would.. with matches in a plastic baggy, with an am/fm radio, again in a baggy, clean dry socks, clean underwear, a new shirt, travel toothbrush and toothpaste, all my medications, deodorant... You get the idea. I was ready! But I was on my way back to my apartment, thank goodness! (All was soaked thru except the items in baggies. My backpack provided zero protection.)

I got to the apartment and the key was very stiff. Hard to get the door open. Finally, success and I was in. Had more than a few cocktails, yelled to a couple of people, drank with my neighbor (one of my actors) and went to bed.

The key to the front door did not work at all the next day. A locksmith came later and replaced the locks. They had just worn out! What timing! What if I couldn't get in that one hurricane night?

My fear was real. The danger was real. All who "poo pooed" this should be ashamed. This was a scary and dangerous event. People DIED! Some of my friends have sustained major damage. I have my own pictures. A few feet from the apartment:

Over the Playground fence.

Half a Tree!

More.

And More.

Marines And Buildings And Boats.

If one gets up early enough, one can enjoy the sight of young marines drilling with rifles. They wear shorts and t-shirts; all looking very handsome and very young. They are children after all. I am so proud of each and every one.

Each morning before 9am they wander out to the playground across the street from my apartment and toss rifles back and forth. They twirl and shoulder. They march. Love it! Sometimes they dress up!

Handsome Gentlemen

Fascinating to be in the nation’s capitol. Tourists everywhere. I went to the waterfront yesterday and a tour boat was leaving in 10 minutes. I jumped on! (Love my boat rides!) I saw all the monuments from the Potomac. Oddly, I have trouble pronouncing “Potomac.” Don’t know why.

The history here is a little overwhelming and after all I’m more interested in nature than man-made artifacts. I enjoy the occasional museum or two but would rather discover the natural world. I’m on a never ending quest looking for the trees and the grasslands in every place I find myself. My heart is then soothed.  Ultimately, I wish theatrical events were done in a forest. (Preferably Arden or The Redwoods.)

Hurricane coming Saturday. Earthquake day before yesterday. Odd to be away from home. Oh and home in 11 days! 

I dance to my own music. And to ITunes.

I have some pictures to share.  In no particular order.

The White House.

The Capitol

The Boat I Took Yesterday!

Hair in my face...

Kennedy Center

The Potomac

The Smithsonian

I Like This One Better.

Rehearsal.

Peeking!

I pointed my camera to the sky... This is the correct angle...

My Little Yard.

The Lincoln Memorial

You Know What This Is!

The FBI

Watergate

View From The Boat.

Always I have to take pictures of flowers!

Hello Cupcake!

Hot, Humid But Smiling In D.C.

Smoke or be cool. I mean, not hot. Yeah. I'm in D.C. Cool is better. (One can smoke outside restaurants  here.) My gosh! It is so hot here!  I am not used to the humidity and my hair is so curly!

I got in to D.C. very late Sunday night. I'm a stage manager, so I had to then unpack and set up my household. I was sitting outside at 5am and saw a bird panting, with a worm in its beak. I thought...what are you doing? It is so early! And then, for the first time realized I was watching the "early bird catching the worm."

D.C. is a wondrous place so far. Walking distance to the offices is a street of old world charm. Walking a very short distance takes me to my rehearsal room. (One melts if one tries to walk much further..)

My apartment is charming. I have a washer and dryer in the unit! Yay!

I started work in earnest today. Still moving a little slowly. I've clearly forgotten what jet lag and humidity can do to one. Tomorrow the weather is supposed to turn dangerously hot. Great!

But oh, I love Shakespeare. And he's dead so he won't be offering any contrary notes to the director!

Yay for new things.

How cool to be in the Capitol when all the world is looking.

I'm gonna try to see my congressman while I'm here.  What the heck! He is Republican but he is still entrusted to represent me. I want to talk to him! (I write him all the time. His name is Buck McKeon.)

Maybe I'm just enchanted to be in charge of a company again. I love actors.

One (actor) just walked my way. He is walking his little fluffy dog named Fang. We chatted for a few. He leaves on Monday. His show closes Sunday. Ah, well... perhaps we'll work together one day.

I found out today my cast is 40! Yikes! They told me 34, forgetting to count the extras. Should be quite interesting and exciting.

More soon... with pictures!

Leaving. I Am A Gypsy.

On my way to D.C. this week. I've packed two boxes, clothes and stage manger stuff. Off they go tomorrow.

I don't want to leave. I want the work but I don't want to leave my home. I don't understand why I can get really good paying work on the other coast but can't get work here. It makes no sense. There are a gazillion stage managers on the East Coast. (And yet they hire me.) There are a million out here on the West Coast. The local theatres bring in East Coast stage managers. We keep trading places. How is that efficient or cost-effective?

Theatre has become too weird. I've finally started hearing from colleagues something I've witnessed for a long time. We are losing work due to age discrimination.

Accept it! It is true. I can get my students jobs nearly everywhere. The theatres want applicants trained by me, but they won't hire me.

I'm doing JULIUS CAESAR. I love this! Can't wait. But, I have to travel across the country! Why can't I do this here?  Do you see what I am saying?

The Dead and The Living.

Flight Of Fancy.

So,

I'm watching streaming Netflix... Star Trek Voyager to be precise, and as I watch all the talent and know-how the crew exhibits in the face of constant disaster I start wondering what I would be able to contribute. I'm a very bright individual but all I really know, after all these years, is how to put on a show.

What if we're stuck circling a singularity? Hmm. This crew person says, "Oh, I'll adjust the dilitheum crystals in the engines and we might be able to reverse the polarity of the tachyon waves." Another crew member says, "That would only work if I reprogram the computer to determine the exact moment of event horizon." A third says, "What if I go out in the shuttle craft and send a beacon into the center looking for intelligence?"

What if the Borg want a war? OOOH! Battle Stations! What would my battle station be?

Hmm.
I could say, "Well, I could put on a show! Maybe CORIOLANUS! Yes. That would show those Borg about right and civil liberties and Republicans! "How about HAMLET? Always inspiring. The Borg and Klingons might like that one.""Maybe QED in light of the singularity problem. At least it about science." "How about MAN OF LA MANCHA or CYRANO to lighten the mood?"

Well. I'd be just about useless. I do know how to type and to create documents and use excel. But I only know how to use excel to make charts of theatrical moves. I can upload pictures. Is that helpful?

I'd have to go to the galley and make food. My pork ribs turned out dry today, but the vegetables and macaroni salad were perfect. I could feed the crew! I can make beds and clean floors, though I'm having a bit of trouble getting up from the floor these days. I can negotiate better working conditions. Really useful in a battle. I can hug and do a limited amount of first aid. But... What I really know is THE THEATRE! Really. Come to the holo-deck and See a Show! (Begs the question.. Are there Actors on a Star Ship?)

Looking for one's real value in the face of high tech or other.. catastrophe!

I know. We will always need theatre if only to examine the choices we've made in each and every emergency. Theatre keeps us human. It does not guarantee survival. Theatre comes later or first but not during.

I should take a look at our earthquake kit.

This I Know.

I took my walk in the early evening yesterday. New for me. I saw a lot of couples, about my age walking. I saw children and single adults walking dogs. I walked and walked. I have to say, it was SO much cooler. It was so nice to see so many people out for a stroll.

I found an Ent.

This was so cool I almost missed it. (In my world this is part of reality.) I did a double take and turned back. Cool. No, WAY Cool.

I've been watching a lot of documentaries lately. Netflix is fantastic. After a lot of reticence on my part I watched Food Inc. Whoa. I'd seen much of the pictures before of animal mistreatment, the cows mostly. But what was eye opening was the farmers' plea to buy "what is good" and "we will grow it for you". We vote with every purchase we make. I like that. I find "Eggland Farms" eggs actually taste better, cook better, and make a better meal. They cost a dollar more. hmm. I'll spend the dollar.

My family on my father's side were all ranchers. I watched Food Inc. seeing an industrial side I never witnessed. I spent every summer at my uncles helping (there is no free ride on a ranch) move cattle from one pasture to another. Those cows were never fed corn. They were never fed. They ate the grass. We got on horses and I watched my cousins and uncles make sure the cattle were eating in the best pasture. It was the way of life. I never saw a cow or chicken or pig treated the way I saw in the film. I've always assumed my family's was the way it was done because that is the way my family did it. The animal was respected in some small way. The cow or pig still ended up at the slaughter house, but the process was not quite so horrific.

I know there are still family ranches like my long dead uncles and cousins in California. If one wants to eat meat, perhaps one should seek out those family ranches.

I learned how to ride barebacked on horses. I learned how to (LITERALLY) hold a bull by his horns. I will never turn my back on ranchers or farmers.

Farmers. Hmm. Some of my family went into growing almonds. They have done very well for themselves. They've had huge plantations but agribusiness takes such a toll.

You know, I really think California should just take care of itself. I've thought this for a long time. We have agriculture. We can feed ourselves. We have wind power. We have oil (off Santa Barbara, so sad)
we have more land than we can populate, agreed it is desert, we have Yosemite and half of Tahoe. We have the only living Redwoods. We have the best Mexican Food in the Country!

This I know.

The Solstice.

Smokin' cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo, now, don't tell me, I've nothin' to do.

Today is the longest day of the year and from my perspective it is the crickets' time to chirp. They are loud and insisting and wandering, into my house. Looking for love in all the wrong places. 

The mockingbirds do this bizarre little dance. They flap and jump and then fly off to attack the ravens. The ravens actually look a little sad. They clearly feel antagonized. (Of course, they are trying to steal eggs. They are culpable.)

The longest day of the year. Summer Solstice. Midsummer. And, a Midsummer Night's Dream. 

Maybe it is about the madness of the longest day, but maybe it is also about change. Maybe it is about who should be with who... but maybe it is about movement... moving forward. 

I don't want to preach or proselytize. 

I like watching the ravens and all the other birds battling with them. They are all the predators and are all just protecting their families.

There is a wider war waging. 

We need to just calm the fuck down.

Really. 

What, are we ravens? Are we mockingbirds? We should be smarter than all of nature, but are we?

I Talk To The Squirrels But They Don't Talk To Me.

"I'm winding down." Yeah, whatever.

"I need some time to myself." So, STOP talking to me!

"I just need to find myself." Um. You are right there. No, really, you are right there. I see you. Hey, look! I found you!

"No matter where I go, there I am." Ah, wise and insightful!

We spend too much time looking for ourselves. What is that about, really? People say I should learn how to meditate. I meditate just fine thank-you... I was raised Catholic. I know how to meditate. I take walks lasting up to 3 hours. I do not listen to music. I listen to the music of my soul. Okay, that was dorky. I listen to my own thoughts. Sometimes my own thoughts are.. "Oh, a dog barked. Wonder if I know that dog?"

For all that we seem to live in a time of poverty, and I include poverty of the soul, we still manage to be the strangest on the planet. We can't come up with one unifying theory of who we are. Who are we? Republican, Libertarian, Democrat or other... Who the fuck are we? We don't even seem to know. I dream of living in France, but the taxes there are so much higher.

I talk to the dogs. The ones I know bark until I call them by name. Some have seen me so many times they are just bored that I'm walking by. Makes me laugh. They bark at every one else. There is a little beagle that reminds me of a friend of mine, Bonnie. She is a beagle too and used to run around my rehearsal like a mad woman. This beagle up the street runs back and forth, back and forth, barking once and again, looking for my attention. She makes me miss my friend.

I talk to the squirrels too, but they don't listen.

The ravens talk to me. I think they know me. Sometimes they are just too busy fending off the mocking birds taking care of their nests. Quite the battle going on, over my head.

So much is going on. So much life.

So much life.

My Struggle. (And A Bit About The Tonys.)

I've been talking to a friend of mine lately about nutrition. It can be a complicated subject with doctors and nutritionists and people who've explored the world of food all with differing opinions. I'd like to write about my own experience and my own battle with weight.

I've been overweight most of my life. In high school I weighed 120 pounds and my friends told me, "You'd be so cute if you lost weight." I WAS 120 POUNDS. I wasn't that overweight. Okay, I was 5'2" at the time and could have lost maybe 5 pounds.. but please!

I went to college and discovered my first real boyfriend. Okay, the first one I slept with. He was so obsessed with me that he didn't want me to be desirable to anyone else. He wanted me fat. He took me to hamburger joints at midnight all over Los Angeles. Yeah.. I got up to 150 pounds. I gained 20 pounds my first year in college. (Grass didn't help.)

He and I separated after a couple of years.  I didn't have any money and ate only spinach and hamburger for many months. (All I could afford.) I weighed 118 when I met my husband and 113 as I spent more time avoiding men than I did trying to flirt.

I got comfortable. I got busy. I worked a lot. I got fat. Slowly, over many years I made my way (weigh) up to around 206. Yikes. Hard to admit, but I have photos.

I finally got a job that made me happy. (I didn't even realize how unhappy I'd been.)  I lost over 60 pounds. I was down to 152. Not perfect, but not too bad. The job required me to walk a lot. I discovered it took less time to walk to work than to drive and look for a place to park. The job required me to walk a lot back and forth from the office to the rehearsal studio. I loved it. I started walking for pleasure. Walking. Really, strolling. I wore flip-flops. I didn't have much time to eat and I tended to eat vegetarian. (I'm allergic to fish, this will come into play later.)

The job ended after four years and I was at a loss. I was looking for work, found something really hard, but kept walking, even out of town. My doctor saw my blood work and asked, "Are you a vegetarian?" I'm not, but I'd been eating like one. Again. I can't eat fish. I was deficient in B12 and folic acid. Fowl doesn't help this. I had to eat red meat now and again. (Or lots of beans.) Pretty girl.

That last job ended and all I could do was sit on the couch and eat. And eat. I gained half of the weight back.

And then I remembered to take my own advice to friends who are depressed. "Shut up and just do something." I started a little weight training. I have two 3 pound weights. I use them. Five minutes a day is all I gave myself. I started with a very few weight lifting exercises. I did ten reps at first, and now I'm up to 30. Some reps are easy.. 10 became 50. My five minute routine is now 15-20 minutes. I like it. But I started small. And I walk. Sometimes it is just up to the main road. Only about a mile. Sometimes I like the way it all feels and I walk five miles. I've decided it just doesn't matter. No pressure.

But, I feel better.

It took me two full weeks to lose a pound. Perseverance is everything. So hard to not be discouraged. I had to train myself to look at the scale only once a week. I've lost 4 pounds since I've had the courage to look at a scale. (I never look at the scale on the way up and I only look at the scale when my clothes are looser!)

It is all okay.

I made potatoes tonight with a little olive oil, rosemary and garlic. So good and no butter. I made turkey burgers with onions and red and yellow bell peppers cut up and inside. No bread. (Okay, I had a tortilla and Phil had pita.) I made a salad. Yes, I used iceburg lettuce, but I augmented it with spinach leaves, tomatoes and basil. All very satisfying and all very tasty!

I can lose weight. I don't even have to sacrifice. I just have to remember to avoid food when I am not hungry and to recognize that when I am hungry, my body is supplying me. I enjoy the feeling of hunger. I enjoy not being overly full. I like walking. I like lifting weights. I like how it all clears my head.

I will be lean.

Then, I'll quit smoking.

lol.

There is an end point here. I've discovered, for myself, that starting small works. A little bit a bit at a time makes all the difference in the world.

love and health to you!

mkk

PS: A random comment. I thought the Tonys were wonderful this year. I appreciate the need to sell ourselves and I think we did a really good job! Excellent! (My heart soared and broke when they finally recognized the brilliant stage manager Beverly Randolph in the memoriam. First time I've ever seen one of us included. I'm proud to have met her. She welcomed me into the Broadway community. She was so kind to me when I was new to Broadway. Thank you for recognizing her contribution!)

Simple Perfection.

I have some pictures I want to share. They really tell their own story. I want to acknowledge the inspiration for all of this. It is my friend Claudia. She posted some pictures recently of farmland, so beautiful, green and inspirational. Thanks, Claudia!                                          

My Wash in June!

The moss kinda blew me away.

I am two blocks from my house.

The way out of the Wash.

When I was young, we called these Century Plants. We'd convinced ourselves  they bloomed once every 100 years and were so delighted every time we saw one bloom!

Really, how many places need to post this sign? Yeah, well I live there!

≈

So Close to Civilization, yet so far.

Hello? Christmas? It is June!

The Stop Sign overgrown with vines. I thought it looked cool.

The Valley.

More of the desert next to my home.

Simple Perfection.

My Rant.

I'm angry.

I'm angry that my congressman just sent out a flyer that I probably paid for full of lies about the current health care initiative. (He is a Republican and I will write to him tomorrow. I write to him often.)

I'm angry that the co-pay on a drug that helps my husband feel just a bit better is nearly $200. I go to the pharmaceutical company website, and to get help I can't have health insurance. Hmm. With health insurance it is too expensive! I wrote to the corporate office. Let's see what they say.

I'm angry that rich bloated men are stealing our country and nobody on the right seems to see this. (Oh, and the trickle down theory does not seem to work... just, by the way!)

When the government takes money from the Arts, ALL the artists suffer. (So does society... no access! no joy, no thought, no relief.) All the people who work to actualize that art suffer. Doesn't anyone realize artists and the support staff too pay taxes and consume? How stupid are the people running this government? Look at the tax base they are losing.

I see this and I am not an economist. (I am an artist.) We currently buy nothing but food and gas and pay our mortgage. We did spend about $100 on clothes today. Had to. The old clothes were a little thread-bare.  No growth here. No growth anywhere. Truly, I'd love to hire a gardener. It is a small ambition. I can't. My very sick husband mows the lawn and cuts the weeds. It's okay. It is cheaper this way. But because there is no work for me, there is no work for the gardener either. Get it?

I'm angry. I know I've talked about this before but lettuce is no longer affordable. Neither are decent tomatoes. (Sorry, the cheap tomatoes taste like crap.) My doctor told me to eat Kale. I thought kale would be cheap. I mean, who likes kale? It is very expensive. I've become the coupon queen. If it isn't on sale... I wait for next week to see if it is.

I'm angry. I heard today that if other countries don't buy our goods after we've spent so much money buying their goods we increase our debt. I challenge you to buy something made in the USA. I buy from American Apparel as much as I can. I try to avoid products made in China, but it is nearly impossible. (The shirt I bought today was made in VietNam.) I can't find clothes made here in any dept. store any more. Why is that?

I'm angry. I'm post menopausal. I fought the good fight years ago so women could have control of their own bodies. Why is abortion such a topic now and again? We won this and now we are losing this. Ladies! Why aren't you angry that the government is trying to control your reproductive rights? I can't fight this battle for you. I did it already. Go! Be Heard!

Oh, and why are proponents of small government trying pass legislation that give you fewer rights? Oh, and cost more? Look to Florida... requiring women seeking abortion to have ultra-sounds. Costs the state more money. Requiring drug testing for people seeking assistance even if there is no suspicion of abuse.  When did civil liberties take a holiday?

This is all so stupid. The Republican Party wants to limit government. You know this is true, they say it all the time. Then... they want to impose laws that restrict a woman's right to control her own body. They want to prosecute doctors. They want to feed you a line of crap about how the economy works and they are wrong. Rich people in times of recession/depression hold onto their money. They don't let it "trickle down."

The rich need to pay the price they took to make them rich. They could never have made the money they did without all of us. They owe it to us to pay their fair share of taxes.

Really. Do you think that CEO is smarter than you? I bet he is not smarter than a 6 year old.

Swimming And Driving.

There are two things Californians don't understand.

1. What do you mean you don't know how to swim? How is that possible? What kind of parents do you have? Then.. I'm reminded that a lot of the country is not near water. Well, even so. Don't you think you should know how to swim? It could save your life!

2. What do you mean you don't know how to drive? You expect everybody to just drive you? Now, admitably I live in LA, and WE LEARN TO DRIVE AT 15! We have to. The public transit here is just plain silly. Then I realized some of you grew up in New York. Yeah. Why would you ever drive? But.. just to have the option to rent a car and get out of the city? So. I don't understand why everyone doesn't learn to drive.

Enough. Just some thoughts. Advice from Mary: Learn to swim!

I took a few pictures with my trusty old phone. I was looking for curiosities and new discoveries. This is all very local, and all about surprises.

Wild Sunflowers

The one that made me stop.

Yikes! Trapped Flowers!

What are these flowers? They bloom all over my mountains.

Look! A Berry! (Oh! I see two!)

I am SO taken with the rose bush producing different colors.

A Surprise over the fence.

woodland

I never saw this before. Breathtaking!

Tequila Doesn't Count.

Whenever I walk, I experience random thoughts... some make me laugh, some make me consider further, but always I'm distracted by the walk and forget. Yesterday I decided I needed to take a notebook and pen with me so I could record these random thoughts and maybe use them in my blog. Yeah. Didn't use the notebook. My deepest thought was, "Oo, pretty tree!"

My hematologist thinks I should meditate. You know, clear my mind. Think I do that already! I have no problem with empty thoughts.

My husband asks me, "What are you thinking?" I answer honestly, "Maybe we should get one of those bug vacs" just advertised on t.v.  I have very present thoughts. I watch and react. In those moments I'm not thinking or worrying about even the next second.

Be that as it may, I will still carry the notebook. Maybe I'll remember to use it!

White wine makes me angry. This is a new discovery. Red wine is pleasant now and again. Tequila doesn't count and vodka makes me happy, yet given a choice I will always drink gin. Hmm.

(I don't know why tequila doesn't count, it just doesn't. Ask my dad.)

I showed you all a picture a long time ago of a cactus that I called "Penis Cactus." I'd found it in San Diego. The other day, I found it again! It is just blocks from my house.

Rabid Penis

A Row!

These are the discoveries that I find so funny. Does anyone know the real name of this growth?
I'd be indebted.

Next, a surprising color from an oleander. In my yard I have white, pink and red. The pink and red were a mistake. I was trying to grow all white, but they are a nice change. (I later added a beautiful peach colored oleander). But the other day I found this and it was so delicate I had to share.

Not My Pink, Not My Peach.
New to me and so very pretty.

My mother loved a flower called plumbago. My dad planted it at the entrance to their property and in special places around the house. It is a very lovely blue.

Plumbago

My dad asked me to take the picture below. It is on his property and part of a drive we take each time we have dinner together. Serene and comforting. He built this road. All by himself.

Dad's Road.

Sometimes I come across flowers that have been bleached by the sun. Especially in Sunland where the sun is so intense, the flowers produce unique colors.

Bleached Roses

I went to an art installation today at Barnsdall Park in Los Angeles. It was GREAT. My friend Heather Carson was one of the featured artists. I have some really lousy pictures but I'll share them with you anyhow. I so enjoyed seeing the amazing work of these artists. I must go to museums more often. 

The First Thing I Saw

Approaching Heather's Work

Side Trip, Not Heather's, But Weird Cut Out and Cool

You Can't See It, but the Sea is in the background.

This spoke to me.

oddly, so did this.

A Photograph. Looks like Andrew Wyeth to me.

Sometimes the people are more interesting.

The older child was telling the younger child, "Those are Black Window Spider Eggs under there!"

The Reception.

The Back. I think this was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.

The Front. I Parked at the bottom of 3 staircases!

One part of three of Heather's Installation. 

Titled: Sunset

View from Barnsdall Park