Still Smiling.

I made myself smile.

As you know, I walk and walk alone. Yesterday, after saying hello to yet one more of my neighbors, I remarked to myself, "How lovely! Everyone in my neighborhood greets me, smiles, says hi, asks how I am or we talk briefly about the weather." I don't actually know these people, but we always exchange pleasantries.

Friendly human contact. A brief acknowledgment of the other's place on the planet.

Then, out of nowhere, I thought, "thank goodness we don't have to sniff butts!"

I smiled all the way home.

Thanksgiving 2009

My family rocks. My sisters, my brother, my dad and my beautiful nieces and nephews. I didn't cook for them, I didn't come over early. I arrived late, stayed an hour and a half, didn't eat, and still had a fantastic full time.

I came home and cooked for my husband, who has been unable to attend Thanksgiving for several years. I've been sick at heart not spending the day with him, so this year... something different.

He and I ate a little later than usual, but we were together, spent the time together, ate too much together, loved the food together. (I even made a Lebanese dish just for him... Success!)

I am thankful. Tomorrow looks brighter.

Lost Hills.

There is a town in the Central Valley of California called "Lost Hills." I have driven through this little town a number of times traveling from L.A. to San Francisco. The name has always struck me as wonderfully funny, because, in fact, one can't see any hills while in Lost Hills. (Remember, this town is in a valley; there are hills all around. One just can't see them there...)

Lost Hills has a road called (I kid you not!) Brown Material Road. I woke up this morning thinking about "Brown Material Road."

Hmm. Right now, I feel like I'm living in Lost Hills on Brown Material Road. I don't feel I have to be any more graphic. I am being a little sardonic and metaphorical, but imagine... actually living on Brown Material Road in Lost Hills.

I don't. I live in Sunland. On Nassau Street. How pleasant is that?

Different looks at different place names. For all I know, living on Brown Material Road in Lost Hills is "Eden," with a funny name.

The First Day of the Rest of My Life.

I am heartbroken. I am stunned. I am angry. But, I will pick myself up and find new work. I will look to the future.

I will look forward.

I am good at that.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. (That is for my dearest friend!)

We start again.

Women at work and losing.

Be careful about being a strong woman. Sometimes that is enough to lose you the job.

Doing is ALL. (and some funny pictures.)

Wednesday I go back to San Diego to make an early start on the 2010 Shakespeare Festival. I will meet with a director I've had no more than a few words with, up until now, and will get a chance to "get a feel" for him. It is a rare opportunity. I want to be prepared, but all I know is I will meet with him sometime after noon and that he asked the Old Globe to speak with someone about the schedule. Apparently.. that person is me. This should be interesting. I have more to discuss with him than just the schedule, though the schedule is important. I'm hoping for a meeting of minds. We'll see. I go with open eyes and no expectations.

I taught an interesting class today in stage management. The topic was "Running a Show." I gave what I thought was an inspiring lecture and we discussed the specific issues of maintaining a piece of theatre. I told my students many secrets. I gave them strategies and methods of manipulation. A small part of me wonders if I said too much, but the larger well being of future companies outweighed my need to be discreet. My student stage managers need to know. They need to know how to handle a group of very creative and unmanageable individuals. This includes the crew. Taking care of such a large community, creating a company, is a very delicate process and one that needs to be addressed with tact, anticipation, and action. Unfortunately, I can only talk about stage managing. I can't teach it unless the students are there, with me in rehearsal, tech, understudy rehearsals and in the booth. (And backstage, and in the dressing rooms, and after the show and with the actors at a party.)

Difficult. I try to give them the tools. We talked today for a bit about laying out a floor. (My class is 3 hours long... I have the time!) Confusing for them and I realized that next semester we have to actually lay out a floor. Theory is one thing. Doing is all.

It was a good day. I went to Trader Joe's. Love that place. They have a sparkling Pinot Grigio for $3.99 that is to die for. Bought some water too. And those little tomatoes. Love those. I never leave that place spending less than $30.00. Hummus! Tangerine Juice, yes.

Pour yourself a glass of wine. You'll need it for this next segment.

My neighborhood never stops surprising me.

I call this "Barney Rubbles's House". LOL . Well, Look at it!

This next house is obsessed with frogs. I could only get a couple of clear(ish) pictures from this house. They had a fence blocking the view.

They love these frogs. Curious.

Look closely. LAND SHARK! (Really, truly, a house on my walk!)

We do have autumn.

Okay. Maybe, just a little bit.

My bleary eyed tree. Well, maybe, I'm just a little out of focus... Part of Sunland Park. Nice.

Okay, down the street from these beautiful trees is a trailer park with this sign:

Oh!! My!! Gosh!! I could live there now! Yikes!

I took this last picture yesterday because my husband remarked what a great view this was. (Blocks from my home.)

I'm done. Isn't this a little like coming over someone's house and having to watch a slide show of her vacation? Oh, boy. How many of you actually had and/or remember THAT experience?

Wish you were here.

xo.

Serendipity. When the Search Pays Off.

Interesting day. We have been a little concerned about H1N1 and have searched repeatedly for a source of vaccine for my MS inflicted husband. Today, finally, we found a clinic blocks from our house. Free vaccinations! (Don't need it "free," just need it. Can't find it for love or money.) Long lines. I went to the front and said, "My husband has MS and can't stand in this long line" (true, we would have gone home.) ... they took us right away. They were so organized, I was very impressed. They kept asking me if I was to have a vaccine. I could have lied, easily, (said I had asthma or something...) but knowing my husband's need, and understanding we have a shortage of vaccine, I declined, reporting that I didn't think I qualified. After a very careful, quick screening of my husband, he received the shot. I stopped at the information booth on the way out and asked if I could stand in line for the shot. She asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "55." She said, "We are not doing older people right now." Yikes! I am older people... I laughed and said "thanks a lot, geez, I'm older!" She smiled and said, "hey, I'm older than you!" (Great comfort.)

I am happy to give up a chance to be vaccinated for people who could literally die from the flu. No problem. I'll get it when it becomes more widely available. I am beyond pleased that the local government set up a system that made it easy for me to get my sick husband covered. They were organized and it was easy. I don't often speak out in support of anything politicians do. Well, this was well done. My tax dollars well spent. The entire episode took about 30 minutes. The security my government gave my husband is well appreciated. I thank you health workers, volunteers, the City of Sunland and all you generous people. Thank-you.

There, Their, They're.

My journeys with my students prompt me to write this. I could say my journeys through my email prompts me too.

There they're sitting, waiting for their coffee. You're looking lovely today in your new hat. When it's raining, the robot and its friends aren't happy.

Just off the top of my head, some examples of the proper way to use homophones. We seem to have come to a place in culture and language where it doesn't matter what form or spelling one uses, as long as it sounds like it should.

Not true.

My (then) 11 year old nephew reported to me two years or so ago, that he was board. I wrote to him and explained he was not a two by four, but was in fact afflicted with ennui. (He was bored.)

I want a piece of cake. I want peace for the planet. I may be part of a clique. I heard a click and thought someone was coming through the door. I threw a baseball. I'm through with you. Too many people try to do two things at once.

I don't know why these distinctions are so difficult. My college students mix these words up all the time and I feel obliged not only to correct them, but to grade them accordingly. I've learned to let my friends slide (though I grind my teeth!)

Communication is a slippery slope. Precision is everything, particularly in my line of work.

We needed a prop. (The following is true.) I found on the prop list a new prop. Ore. What we actually needed was an oar. See how confusing this can be? See how easily a casual error in spelling can not only waste time, but not deliver a needed rehearsal and performance product?

Drives me crazy!

I've had several conversations lately about the inexact nature of emails. I agree. We don't get the visual or verbal cues we are used to when we communicate either face to face or by telephone. We are relying on words more than ever. Spellcheck just doesn't do it, folks.

Seem, Seam. Break, Brake. Cite, Site. Affect, Effect. (NOT EVEN HOMOPHONES, People!) Deign, Dane. Rain, Rein. Gait, Gate. Plait, Plate. Pain, Pane. Prey, Pray. Queue, Cue. Rue, Roue. Thyme, Time. Whine, Wine... Lye, Lie. Dye, Die.

The above are just a few examples. But, take a look and you will see that the distinction between the pairs of words changes the meaning enormously.

I will endeavor to clean up my language and always try to communicate with clarity. I will teach my students to do the same. I truly believe this is the path worth taking. I truly believe misunderstanding is endemic to our global problems.

And Next... Adverbs!

My rant for the evening.

La Luna.

The earth revolves around the sun, which implies the earth does not revolve around me. (I don't think I'm the sun!) The moon revolves around the earth. So. I am of the earth. Ergo, the moon revolves around me. That is good enough.

Hungry Hippo.

Lately, I've been dreaming about "Hungry Hungry Hippo." Repeatedly. At least 3 times this week. I don't know why. I never played the game. I was too old to be interested when it was first introduced. I do think it is funny. I wake up thinking, "hungry hungry hippo!" As if this is the answer to some deep and... unanswerable question.

Why is the sky blue?

Hungry Hungry Hippo!

What is the square root of pi?

Hungry Hungry Hippo!

What is the meaning of life?

Hungry Hungry Hippo, of course!

God Posts a Billboard.

Tonight, at the "Burrito Factory" picking up a dinner order, a customer talking to another diner was saying what a great place Sunland is to live. He said, "the people have always been nice, we are a blue collar neighborhood, you know, working class, and it has been great to live here." It is great to live here. It is a working class neighborhood. It is not the West Side. It is not Beverly Hills. It is not even close to Culver City, but it is my home. We bought here because we could afford it and it is close to my parents. Well, my parent now. My mom died a few years ago. I don't necessarily agree with the politics of my latest hometown, but my neighbors are friendly, religious, gracious humble people. But, they are losing their jobs and their health insurance, or having to pay COBRA prices and are scared. They don't know who to believe. They don't know who to vote for. They just don't understand and really just want jobs and affordable health care. They think they are Republican. But, that party keeps betraying them. I know the Democrats don't do any better by them. The two parties are in a battle that no one really cares about. They, WE, just need the system to change. None of us care whether one party or another does it. None of us. Really, I hear it in this little neighborhood. We need help. We can't afford groceries, let alone health care. I now pay over $8,000 a year in health care premiums for me and my husband and my health care is mostly paid for by my union.

When one is less than rich, (I don't want to say "poor," there are far poorer people than we) one worries about the cost, and probably has no plan one can afford, because the less money one has, the more healthcare costs. When one is rich, one has more options. When one is over 65 one has government healthcare called Medicare. Not the rest of us. We struggle. Period. This sucks. Then, there are those rare individuals who have accrued more money than some of us, and worry not about healthcare. They can afford whatever the policy doesn't cover. And, those few seem to have the policies that DO cover that surgery or procedure. They can PAY the premiums. We who cannot are devalued in this country because we don't make the MONEY to contribute to the gross excesses of the insurance companies. I stress money because it seems to be the only important ambition one should have in this country. Making Money? That is what is important? Where we've come to? Really? Not quality of life? Not happiness? Not Art and Music? Science? Theatre? Or just plain old Dreams? Okay, you know what? That sucks.

My life is worth more. (So is yours.)

Look, I've been a big believer in Capitalism. (Big fan of Ayn Rand.) But, I've never believed Capitalism should be as dishonest as it is right now. The cheating and the short-term gains at the expense of one's fellow citizens is horrifying. Who are these people that need THAT much money? Most of them call themselves Christians to boot. What?

I identify myself as a humanist. I believe in people, not some invisible nonsense. (No offense intended, dear reader.) I believe that most people are good and that most people care about each other. I care about my neighbors and my friends and my family. I care about people struggling and try to send help. I believe in this life and the people who populate this life. I am not looking for some strange and amorphous reward later. But, .. I will not build a fortune on the misfortune of others. That is what I think is happening right now. I think there are some (very little) people who see the opportunity to make some quick money off people who have very little control in the world. I call these people politicians. Our elected reps are NOT representing us anymore! Why do they feel they have to "go across the aisle?" Why don't they JUST do what is right? Courage!

DO WHAT IS RIGHT!

Fix the fucking healthcare system. Find a way to stop the wars! We are all suffering! No, we are crying.

Stop fucking around.

God posts a billboard: "QUIT IT"

(stolen from a cartoon by Dan Piraro)

Sometimes...

Sometimes, when I'm sitting alone, I turn my head quickly and I think I see someone or something moving in my peripheral vision. I'm startled every time. Not a ghost, not a phantom and not an hallucination. Hmm. It is the arm of my glasses.

Haiku Attempts.

Late night, but not too.

Worrying, trying not to.

Wishing for a trip. (or two)

Poor attempt at haiku. Adding too many syllables to explain and to be clever. Takes away from the elegance.

Alas, I fear my real poetry days are behind me. What seems to be inescapable for the near future are the needs of my wider family. I will endeavor to address those needs and help as I can. What I sometimes want feels a bit immaterial and unimportant by contrast. (And selfish.) I have spent a good part of October lazy, but have spent days trying to help. Here we are in November, and I really feel like I need to find another job, bring in a bit more money, and continue to invest in the future of the family's kids. This is all good.

What I want is to read the newspaper every day. To walk 2 hours a day and still find the time to read a book. To slowly clean out my closets (reduce! simplify!) and to get rid of all those boxes in the garage we've not looked into in 10 years.

I want to see more theatre.

I don't want to cook Thanksgiving for 30 people (again). I won't do it. I've done it since my mother died and I'm done. I've said as much. (And yet, I find I am already offering cooking advice to the other 28.) I will cook for my husband. I will visit the 28 if I can.

I get tired this time of year. I want to sleep until I wake up. I want to take naps. I sometimes hate when the phone rings. (I sometimes love when the phone rings... I don't have to be consistent, damn it!)

I just want more time.

More time to be there for you.

More time for myself.

Time. The theme of my haikus. The theme of my life, in a way. Time, where does it go and how does the passage of time serve us? And maybe it is all okay anyway.

Enigmas of life

Floating through the firmament

Looking up, we hope.

xo