Mad As A March Hare.

If you don't strike while the iron is hot the iron gets cold. 

A stitch in time saves nine... stitches! Did you know that?

A penny saved is not very much money.

Every closed door opens a window. Great. Now I'm locked in and have to crawl out the window.

Reminds me of a riddle: You are in a room with no place to get out. You have a table, a chair and a mirror in there. How do you get out?

Ready? You stand on the chair, look in the mirror, see what you saw, take the saw, cut the table in half, two halves make a (w)hole... you climb out the hole!

Really dumb, I know.

Who knows the riddle that ends with "a cat with a brick in its mouth" ?

Or... you come to a crossroads. You don't know which road to take. At the entrance to each road there is a man. One right and one left. One man always lies and one man tells the truth. You don't know who is who. What question do you ask the two men to find your way? (This has been around for a long time.)

My brother once told me that after you die your earlobes keep growing. When they (who are "they"?) dig up your dead body... your earlobes are down to your ankles.  I believed him FOR YEARS! Fuck him, I actually told people.

My brother also couldn't see very well and every time he saw cattle he said, "Look, Deer!" For years when his sisters saw cattle we said, "Look, Deer!" (Wait, he deserved it!)

My mother sang a bedtime song that was one of my sisters' favorite:
"She sailed away, on a happy summer day, on the back of a crocodile.
'You see' said he, 'I as tame as tame can be, I'll sail you down the Nile.'
The croc winked his eye as she waved them all goodbye, wearing a happy smile.
At the end of the ride, the lady was inside and the smile was on the crocodile."

Another sister and I continually share the same joke again and again:
Be alert. The world needs more lerts.

My Aunt has said to me (ever since I was very little), "Know what?" "Turkey Trot." I never got it, but it amused her endlessly!

The name game was funniest when we did Chuck.  (In my family it went like this.. " Chuck Chuck Bo Buck, Banana Fanna Fo... silence... Fe Fi Fo Muck, Chu-uck.)

My mother said "broomsticks" instead of bullshit.  She wouldn't let us say "Jeez!"  because it was too close to "Jesus."  I miss her.