My Most Perfect Nephew

My Dear Friend,

I read your beautifully written essay on Facebook about being overwhelmed and stressed by all the responsibilities you currently face and I am sorry, but glad to hear you got up and got out of yourself. Leaving the house is always a good thing my love.

I started to respond on Facebook after I finished reading your piece and this is what I wrote:

"I find I am crying a lot these last few days. I am sad and scared. I am more frightened now than I have ever been in my life. Alas. 

My heart is full of hope but oh so full of fear."

I realized I couldn't leave that statement public. I deleted it. I don't want to get into a conversation with folk about.. hmm, whatever they would imagine scares me so much.

I thought folk would think it was about my cancer. (It is not. I am not at all concerned about my health. I go about my day and try to get work done or not. It is what it is.) It is not about Phil's multiple sclerosis. Yes, he is geting worse, but we have expected this for years and like me, he gets up and gets work done or not and then we have a drink. Can't worry or stress about these things. We can only do what the docs tell us. We are alive and we are together and folk still seem to hire me from time to time. Lol.

Okay. Non- issue.

I will tell you why I am so afraid. I need to tell someone - I choose you, sweet heart.

My beautiful 27 year old nephew, Taylor Harley Klinger, is a Federal Policeman. (No, not a Federal Marshall. - I know, I never heard of it either until he became one.) He has had a lot of success and has become so much his own man. I am very proud of him. He is a poet and a song-writer. He quotes philosophers on facebook. I love him more than my life.

He has volunteered for a six month tour in Afghanistan. He leaves Tuesday.

Every time I think of this I start to shake and tears come into my eyes. I am so afraid for him. I spoke to him for a while yesterday and was cheerful and acted like the good crazy aunt. I told him not to get himself killed, to come back to us. He said he would be back before we knew it and he could email and Facebook, though he won't have his phone.  He will be in Kabul. His job is to escort the generals and officials and other civilians to meetings and events in Kabul. He is basically a driver and a guard. He will stay in a dorm. Sounds innocent enough but you and I know better. 

What a world. I made notes when I called him so I wouldn't cry. I told him this. I had my list of things I needed to say to him. Oh, god. 

That's it. 

Love you my dear.

Mary K Klinger

Production Stage Manager