Disconnected Thoughts.

I don't know who is looking here. I'm never sure I really care. I've always intermittently kept a diary, and I've always wanted someone to read it.

The Journal of My Life.

Or this part of it.

I have this reputation. Yet, months go by and no work. My reputation precedes me and without a current show, I am still asked to talk about theatre, asked to be interviewed, asked to teach.

I do it. But it is hard, without a show.

Like actors, stage managers are only as good as their last show. Well, my last shows were fantastic! They were perfection! We achieved it, all that we wished for. We spent the summer trying not to look forward, but reveling in the moment of creation. "Be here now." Our motto.

We didn't know what the future would bring.

I am so proud of the work that we've done. I will miss every member of my company. I got fired in part, because I was too proprietary. In part because I used the words..." my company." I don't know how else to think of my dear actors and crew.

There is too much ego in the world and not enough collaboration. We are wrong when one individual has complete control. We are better off when we w0rk together.

My mistake. I played the politics wrong. I tried to present myself as a strong woman and I lost the gig.

Oops. Pardon me for being a thinking person. Pardon me for exceeding your expectations and therefore threatening you.

I'm better, so I can't work? What? I can help you!

Let me help the show. I am here.