Come It Will.

I spent the day teaching my "advanced" stage management class. They were a wonder. All of my students I've had before in the beginning class, so I know them, but they've transformed into a chatty inquisitive group. (They were so quiet before, like pulling teeth...) It was a great class and I'm looking forward to spending the semester with them.

I did nothing to advance my job search. Instead, I came home and made quesadillas out of leftover chicken, added refried beans and leftover rice. Glorious dinner. Love leftovers!

The neighborhood has become a little wonky lately. My next door neighbors who moved in about 8 months ago with 4 kids in tow and another (I kid you not) 10 elsewhere...seem to be moving out. The wife (with whom I've recently become friends) left with the kids a couple of days ago. No explanation. The husband...who was missing through all this, shows up at night, night after night, with his friends and moves stuff around... vacuums, but never seems to clean up anything. My other neighbors, who've been fighting for years, spent tonight slamming car doors, front doors and screaming at each other. The rest of us on the block turn a bit of a blind eye. The only guy we are sure has a gun seems fairly even tempered. (His name is Verne and his truck has the ubiquitous bumper sticker, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people.") So, we (the sane ones on the block) watch out for each other, look askance at the weird neighbors, call the police once in a while, judiciously, and hope the next new neighbors don't have a barking dog.

Again, about looking for work. Well, tomorrow I will make a phone call or two. I have an appointment for a mammogram. Thought I should keep it and get it done, because with what all is happening in the world, I may not have insurance that will pay for it next year. I've adopted the mind-set of "just get it done."

I'd forgotten until tonight, that the last time I felt I'd never work again was just a scant 5 years ago. My mother had died from pancreatic cancer so my doctor (who was also one of her doctors) decided I needed to be tested for pancreatic cancer. The test turned out positive. Oh, gosh, I had just accepted a new job at the Old Globe in San Diego! (Realize, at the time, this was a death sentence.) I went through an astounding variety of tests, one after the other. I never told the Old Globe what was going on. Nothing showed up. The doctors were confused and very worried. My father (who happens to be a pathologist) said to me, " have them test your blood again." Well, I did and it turned out negative. All my doctors were so relieved. It turns out that blood tests for pancreatic cancer often give false positives, but the negative results are always accurate. The tests stopped and I went to San Diego.

Well. All my tests are good right now. My husband, though not doing well, is holding his own, and seems to need me home. I want to work, but I am not. There was more to that statement and I can't explain. I like doing little things. If work comes I will take it. I will not stop looking for work, but I don't feel desperate for it. Not yet, anyway.

Oh, I will never not want to work. I need to be with my intimate group of actors and designers and directors. I will see them all again. But, maybe it is all not as urgent as I thought. Maybe it can all wait a bit.

Maybe it is okay to slow down and let life come. Come it will.