To My Husband. The Daffodils Are Ready to Bloom.

36 years ago today I met my husband. 36 years! A lifetime! And a lifetime filled with joy and support and happiness. He makes me happy.

Who knew when I woke up that morning so long ago I was to find the love of my life. I don't remember the day, how it went. I'm sure I was in class at UCLA. That evening I remember saying to my roommate, " I'm gonna find a boyfriend tonight." I went to a local bar. He picked me up and I picked him up. Oh, gosh! he was SO cute! Beyond the pale. I went home with him. (My roommate was worried and gave me a quarter. You know, for a phone call. The cost of a phone call had recently gone up. We didn't have cell phones all those long years ago.)

I took him to breakfast the next morning along with his best friend Arthur. He got a parking ticket in Westwood he never paid. We have it framed in our office. My roommate told me he'd never call me because I'd paid for breakfast. (Sexism was the norm in 1976.) Well, he did call. We became great friends. We became lovers. We became two people alone who could not live without the other.

I celebrate the man who became my husband in 1994. Yes.. we lived together for near 17 years before we got married. The two of us were uninterested in society's idea of commitment. "We don't need no piece of paper from the city hall keeping us tried and true." But, ultimately, reality sets in and life becomes easier for two people trying to make a life together to be married. We saw that and got married in 1994. We've now been married almost as long as we "lived in sin." LOL

It never mattered to the two of us. We were finally just looking at easier ways of taking care of each other.

My dad was so happy too. Phil was no longer "our friend," he became "my son-in-law" and part of his protected family. So weird what a piece of paper will do. Although I've kept my maiden name, my parents always insisted on calling me Mrs. Hilow. Kinda funny. Kinda cute. Kinda wrong. Though I use it myself when it helps me navigate the health care system.

Feel free to call me Mrs. Hilow. I am. It is fine. I don't care what you call me. But I'm not changing my legal name for anyone. Not even for you, my darling man!

My Eyenee. Happy Anniversary of our very first meeting! I love you! I think the daffodils are ready to bloom! Look at the kitchen table.

xoxo.

Making The Case.

Like many Republicans, I think the government has a little too much to say about how I live my life. Apparently, today, unlike many Republicans, I don't think I should answer or be required to act on a belief system that is not mine.  More and more I see Republicans trying to legislate how I should think. Not only do I resent that. I will battle that.

So, my question is.. When I agree with Republicans.. less government.. why do I find a tenet of contemporary republicanism forcing its way into my body? How do true Republicans support this? There is in fact a separation of Church and State. It is in the constitution. Christian ethics are now supported by nearly everyone in the Republican Party (as far as I can tell) at the expense of the Constitution. I don't understand this. Sorry, but this country is not "Christian." It is an amalgam of many religions and many do not believe in "Christ, the Savior." We have spent generations supporting our Jewish, Muslim, Mormon, Buddhist, Atheistic and Pagan cultures. People in my country are free to worship or not. It is the major tenet of Americanism. We are Americans together. We are not individual churches pushing one agenda over another. We are not.

This is in part why we have laws protecting minorities. The constitution guarantees protection for people who do not quite conform. This is the glory of our country. We will take in all. Or we used to. Or we used to say we would... we would at least try...

Now we seem to be in a battle that was fought long ago. I was part of that battle. At the time the fight  was ultimately about looking at women and respecting them as people. There is a group in the Republican party that want to take away my hard-won rights. I won't stand for it. (By the way, The Equal Rights Amendment has never passed. Women are still second class citizens in this country.)

Something I've not heard anyone say or admit. I will say it. I do believe life starts at conception. So what? Really, so what? That fact does not change the right to control what lives or does not live in my body. The potential child you are so driven to give "person-hood" rights to relies on my body to live. Do I or do I not have control of my own body? Really? I don't? Then I am just a slave to you and you might as well call me nigger. (As John Lennon said, "Woman is the Nigger of the World.")

Back to the Catholic Church. The Church will not baptize an unborn child. I know. I helped bury a child in a secular cemetery...heart-breaking... Because he was born dead the Church wouldn't baptize him. He couldn't be buried in a Catholic cemetery. I watched his father carry the smallest casket I'd ever seen to the cemetery that would take this poor dead baby. The Church won't grant heaven to an unborn child. The Church did not recognize the in utero life of that particular child. Look at that hypocrisy. It hurt the father so much. I will never forgive.

I am not going to give specious arguments about sperm or eggs. I think somehow we have generated the most uncaring generation in many many years.

When will someone finally believe that women are people too and are intelligent enough to make their own decisions? Trust me. Not only do I know my own body better than any religious leader, I am probably exponentially more intelligent.

xo.

Very Peculiar Times.

My neighbor likes to hug me. In grocery stores. K. I'm not a very touchy person and he smells like he hasn't washed his hair today. I don't want to hug him, but he has an insistent type of come-on and it would be rude not to "give him a hug." I do. I like him. I like his wife. I just don't really want to hug him.

A woman I'd never seen before today felt it was her responsibility to compliment the fact that I was walking for exercise and then criticize my footwear. (I Always wear flip-flops.) She said, "Great that you are walking, but you should always wear tennis shoes. Otherwise, your feet will swell up." I informed her that I'd spoken to both my internist and my podiatrist who had looked at my flip-flops and they both said, "Fine." She left a bit chagrined. (Why was this stranger talking to me about my foot-ware anyway?)

A man dressed very much like a clown whom I'd seen before walks up to me and says "Can I have a hug?" I said, "NO." I veered to the other side of the sidewalk.  He walked on.

I guess I need people to stop trying to touch me or criticize my flip-flops. (We used to call them "go-a-heads." Really. )

These are the real subjects the average folk are spending their time thinking about.

By the way. Spring has come too early here in California. We are blooming away and tomorrow and all this weekend. Later... snow is coming. Weird.

We live in very peculiar times, my friends.

xo

See You In September. Or...

Tomorrow is my first free day since Christmas. Ah.

Oh. Yeah. Forgot.. Up next: Taxes.

I have to call Cigna, now that I have the time. (Some of you are aware of my endless discussions with our health insurance company and why.)  I need to shop for groceries and see my Dad. After two heart surgeries, one of them an emergency open heart surgery that saved Dad's life in the moment and then two more procedures, he seems to be good for now.  So scary.

3 people want to have lunch with me before I go. 3 people want to have lunch with me when I arrive. How nice! I want to spend time with my husband.

My bathroom could use a good scrub. Oh and I've put off writing a couple of letters of recommendation for my students that need to be done this week. Hm. Gotta make that mammogram appointment and see my gyno and my hematologist.

I need a haircut. I need some clothes that fit and are not black on black. I've boxes to pack. And I NEED to walk. I miss that. I've been too obligated, too busy or too lazy.

There is no such thing as free time! There is always something to be done. How could anyone ever be bored with so many obligations to meet and so many discussions to be had?

Maybe I'll just sleep in tomorrow and make a list later.

I need the "ahhhh." I need the deep breath before I travel yet again far from my husband and family, working the best job I can find. I am lucky. I have two really great jobs upcoming. Both on the East Coast.

My mentor once told me, "We are gypsies. We go where the work is. We wander and work." I argued with him at the time. As ever he was right. It just took me a bit to get it.

Yes. History has proven my dear mentor, Frank Bayer was right. We are gypsies. We chose this. We wander and work.  The sacrifice is great. The personal, professional and monetary reward is great too. This is what some of us have to do to continue working in a business we love (and sometimes hate) and is the only business (after all) we really know. I accept that. You know what? I embrace that. I've come to understand this is who I am.  I find I am equally excited about the work ahead as I am nauseous at the thought of leaving. The good and the bad. The joy and the sorrow. (The yin and the yang?)

So... 4 weeks here and gone. Back in 10 weeks. 6 weeks home and gone again for 7 weeks. See you in September (or lose you, to a summer love.)

{smile}

xoxo

Save Our Souls Later.

I watch the news every night. I watch and read and am involved. I research things I don't understand so I can comment intelligently about the topics we should be talking about. I want to have a concrete understanding of empirical fact. Here is what I've discovered.

Gas prices are not controlled by presidents. As much as I'd liked to, and wanted to, I didn't blame George W. Bush for the incredibly high gas prices in 2006 and 2007. Prices are controlled by Wall Street speculators looking at "futures." All of that has to do with betting against enough oil (there is enough oil) because of the Middle East instability or some other potential future shortage. Speculators are betting against us. Those same speculators are American Citizens. They are throwing all their cards where they think profit lies and that drives up gas prices. The pipeline from Canada to the Gulf is so Canada can export oil to China. It is not about oil for the USA. We won't get that oil. China is offering a better price. We will sacrifice so much natural wonder to make yet another deal with China. Yeah, such a good idea!  

I love wind farms. I know a lot of people object. I think wind farms are beautiful. Republicans might find it interesting that some of the most ardent opposition to wind farms are progressive Democrats. Well, I think you are all wrong. Wind has great power and we should use it!

I am for nuclear power. When regulated and actuated correctly it is a wonderful source of power. Caveat: Regulation is key.

Drill baby Drill! Let's talk about that. Well, aside from the fact that we'd destroy our greatest resource, the beauty of our country, it would take until 2030 to find enough oil to offset our oil dependence. Bush couldn't do it in 8 years. Neither could his dad. I am not really shilling for Obama, I'm just saying we are stupid if we don't look for alternate energy sources. And POTUS has nothing to do with it.

We have to take care of our planet. We have to look out for ourselves too. We have to stop being distracted about who has rights and who doesn't. We all HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS. Get over it.

Really, just today, Santorum said we shouldn't try to send our kids to college!!? He wants to keep us all pliant and ignorant and unable to compete in the wider World Economy. Who is this guy and why is anyone paying any attention to him?

Education is the key. Let us show the world as it is, let us show the truth, or at least the facts{!} to all, and trust the people to understand. Then... when they've been educated.. oh what a world.

By the way, I've not heard one Republican candidate talk about the wider world view. We have a crisis in the Middle East. Americans are killed nearly every day overseas.. and yet, these candidates prefer to talk about my body. How out of touch is that? 

Oh. I am so less concerned with my reproductive rights right now than I am concerned about Syria and Afghanistan.

Really. Do I have to say it? Wake Up!

People are dying. . Let us help them and rescue them. We can save their souls later.
xo

A Love Letter. A Stage Manager's Reflection.

I love actors. I love them. I love their commitment to their dream. I love their perseverance in the face of overwhelming odds. I love the tenacity and sheer inventiveness, recreating themselves for each and every audition. I love the self-absorption, because I get it. I find I want to take care of them. It seems to be my mission.

The actor is the most important element in every show I do. I endeavor to support and encourage. I try to read and understand each actor's need and ability to take a note. I am not always successful, but my intent is to give a note that helps the performance and makes the performer perform better. I spend time in rehearsal getting to know my actors and my director so I can give notes that stay true to the director's vision and so the actors will trust my commitment to them. I talk to them before each and every show and check in after each show.

My job as a stage manager is to take care of the show. The single best way to do this is to take care of my actors. (Calling cues and knowing I am performing with them is another blog. That is about my art.)

Supporting the actors is not my only responsibility. I am also interested in the welfare of the crew so I  endeavor to create a work environment that supports and protects them. I will take full responsibility to effect this end. The crew needs to know how much I appreciate the mostly un-thanked work they do too.

Honestly... I think this is all about management. All about people. Take care of the people and you take care of the show.

My philosophy in a nutshell.

I always miss my actor friends after they are gone; after the show ends. I always look forward to seeing and working with them again. Coffee is good too.

xo

No More Sex.

I'm so done with the Republican Party Platform. I am a thinking, hard working woman. I think of myself as middle class, but I am probably low middle class based on my income and their own evaluation.  I'm beyond distressed at the attack on women now coming from not just Tea Party Republicans, but Republicans in general. I used to think we had an honest discussion going on. I have never voted along party lines just because someone was a member of my registered party. I'm disgusted. I'm disillusioned. There is no discourse in this country anymore. EVERYONE is INTRACTABLE! 


I do and will continue to have control of my own body. Period. (Yeah.. ha ha, double entendre.. you are an idiot.) When will Republicans believe liberals are NOT for abortions. We want to prevent them too. But, we are facing a reality here where illegal abortions KILL women. So.. to safeguard living human beings we made a compassionate choice (way back in the 70's) that women didn't need to die using coat-hangers.
We tried to spread the word about birth control. And, in case you weren't listening.. not having sex. It was called "Sex Education." Banned in a lot of places! I went to a Catholic Girls School. My sex education was called Christian Marriage. Fortunately the Nuns found a woman doctor to teach the class. Thank goodness! We actually learned something!


Right to Lifers always think we are "for killing babies." Not true. Never true. We are looking to save the 13 year old incest rape victim from having to spend 9! months reliving that rape. What man can say the same thing. This is NOT a discussion for men. Sorry. It is NOT. This is not your body. Step out of the conversation. We are NEVER looking to call abortion a method of birth control. It is too devastating. No one should have to have an abortion. Sometimes it is the only option. Who are you, you man asshole to say it is not necessary? You have NO say in this. This is my body. I will smoke and drink and do with it as I please. That is between me and my god. Wait. are you saying I can't practice my religion too?


Really. This debate is about Women's Rights. Women.. will you stand for this? Have we once again become second class citizens? I am too infertile to care, yet I do. I fought this battle and won. You, you need to fight again against the oppressive nature of the New Republican party. It is not your Dad's party anymore. It is trying to take us back, pre- 1950's.


Do you know about the ERA amendment to Congress? Equal Rights for Women?  From the 1970's? It still hasn't passed.


Tell me about how some men think of you.


My Call, specious as it is: Stop having sex with men who don't support your civil rights. Do this and they will change their tune.


xo.