Thursday, June 30, 2011

This I Know.

I took my walk in the early evening yesterday. New for me. I saw a lot of couples, about my age walking. I saw children and single adults walking dogs. I walked and walked. I have to say, it was SO much cooler. It was so nice to see so many people out for a stroll.

I found an Ent.

This was so cool I almost missed it. (In my world this is part of reality.) I did a double take and turned back. Cool. No, WAY Cool.

I've been watching a lot of documentaries lately. Netflix is fantastic. After a lot of reticence on my part I watched Food Inc. Whoa. I'd seen much of the pictures before of animal mistreatment, the cows mostly. But what was eye opening was the farmers' plea to buy "what is good" and "we will grow it for you". We vote with every purchase we make. I like that. I find "Eggland Farms" eggs actually taste better, cook better, and make a better meal. They cost a dollar more. hmm. I'll spend the dollar.

My family on my father's side were all ranchers. I watched Food Inc. seeing an industrial side I never witnessed. I spent every summer at my uncles helping (there is no free ride on a ranch) move cattle from one pasture to another. Those cows were never fed corn. They were never fed. They ate the grass. We got on horses and I watched my cousins and uncles make sure the cattle were eating in the best pasture. It was the way of life. I never saw a cow or chicken or pig treated the way I saw in the film. I've always assumed my family's was the way it was done because that is the way my family did it. The animal was respected in some small way. The cow or pig still ended up at the slaughter house, but the process was not quite so horrific.

I know there are still family ranches like my long dead uncles and cousins in California. If one wants to eat meat, perhaps one should seek out those family ranches.

I learned how to ride barebacked on horses. I learned how to (LITERALLY) hold a bull by his horns. I will never turn my back on ranchers or farmers.

Farmers. Hmm. Some of my family went into growing almonds. They have done very well for themselves. They've had huge plantations but agribusiness takes such a toll.

You know, I really think California should just take care of itself. I've thought this for a long time. We have agriculture. We can feed ourselves. We have wind power. We have oil (off Santa Barbara, so sad)
we have more land than we can populate, agreed it is desert, we have Yosemite and half of Tahoe. We have the only living Redwoods. We have the best Mexican Food in the Country!

This I know.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Solstice.

Smokin' cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo, now, don't tell me, I've nothin' to do.

Today is the longest day of the year and from my perspective it is the crickets' time to chirp. They are loud and insisting and wandering, into my house. Looking for love in all the wrong places. 

The mockingbirds do this bizarre little dance. They flap and jump and then fly off to attack the ravens. The ravens actually look a little sad. They clearly feel antagonized. (Of course, they are trying to steal eggs. They are culpable.)

The longest day of the year. Summer Solstice. Midsummer. And, a Midsummer Night's Dream. 

Maybe it is about the madness of the longest day, but maybe it is also about change. Maybe it is about who should be with who... but maybe it is about movement... moving forward. 

I don't want to preach or proselytize. 

I like watching the ravens and all the other birds battling with them. They are all the predators and are all just protecting their families.

There is a wider war waging. 

We need to just calm the fuck down.

Really. 
What, are we ravens? Are we mockingbirds? We should be smarter than all of nature, but are we?

Thursday, June 16, 2011

I Talk To The Squirrels But They Don't Talk To Me.

"I'm winding down." Yeah, whatever.

"I need some time to myself." So, STOP talking to me!

"I just need to find myself." Um. You are right there. No, really, you are right there. I see you. Hey, look! I found you!

"No matter where I go, there I am." Ah, wise and insightful!

We spend too much time looking for ourselves. What is that about, really? People say I should learn how to meditate. I meditate just fine thank-you... I was raised Catholic. I know how to meditate. I take walks lasting up to 3 hours. I do not listen to music. I listen to the music of my soul. Okay, that was dorky. I listen to my own thoughts. Sometimes my own thoughts are.. "Oh, a dog barked. Wonder if I know that dog?"

For all that we seem to live in a time of poverty, and I include poverty of the soul, we still manage to be the strangest on the planet. We can't come up with one unifying theory of who we are. Who are we? Republican, Libertarian, Democrat or other... Who the fuck are we? We don't even seem to know. I dream of living in France, but the taxes there are so much higher.

I talk to the dogs. The ones I know bark until I call them by name. Some have seen me so many times they are just bored that I'm walking by. Makes me laugh. They bark at every one else. There is a little beagle that reminds me of a friend of mine, Bonnie. She is a beagle too and used to run around my rehearsal like a mad woman. This beagle up the street runs back and forth, back and forth, barking once and again, looking for my attention. She makes me miss my friend.

I talk to the squirrels too, but they don't listen.

The ravens talk to me. I think they know me. Sometimes they are just too busy fending off the mocking birds taking care of their nests. Quite the battle going on, over my head.

So much is going on. So much life.

So much life.

Monday, June 13, 2011

My Struggle. (And A Bit About The Tonys.)

I've been talking to a friend of mine lately about nutrition. It can be a complicated subject with doctors and nutritionists and people who've explored the world of food all with differing opinions. I'd like to write about my own experience and my own battle with weight.

I've been overweight most of my life. In high school I weighed 120 pounds and my friends told me, "You'd be so cute if you lost weight." I WAS 120 POUNDS. I wasn't that overweight. Okay, I was 5'2" at the time and could have lost maybe 5 pounds.. but please!

I went to college and discovered my first real boyfriend. Okay, the first one I slept with. He was so obsessed with me that he didn't want me to be desirable to anyone else. He wanted me fat. He took me to hamburger joints at midnight all over Los Angeles. Yeah.. I got up to 150 pounds. I gained 20 pounds my first year in college. (Grass didn't help.)

He and I separated after a couple of years.  I didn't have any money and ate only spinach and hamburger for many months. (All I could afford.) I weighed 118 when I met my husband and 113 as I spent more time avoiding men than I did trying to flirt.

I got comfortable. I got busy. I worked a lot. I got fat. Slowly, over many years I made my way (weigh) up to around 206. Yikes. Hard to admit, but I have photos.

I finally got a job that made me happy. (I didn't even realize how unhappy I'd been.)  I lost over 60 pounds. I was down to 152. Not perfect, but not too bad. The job required me to walk a lot. I discovered it took less time to walk to work than to drive and look for a place to park. The job required me to walk a lot back and forth from the office to the rehearsal studio. I loved it. I started walking for pleasure. Walking. Really, strolling. I wore flip-flops. I didn't have much time to eat and I tended to eat vegetarian. (I'm allergic to fish, this will come into play later.)

The job ended after four years and I was at a loss. I was looking for work, found something really hard, but kept walking, even out of town. My doctor saw my blood work and asked, "Are you a vegetarian?" I'm not, but I'd been eating like one. Again. I can't eat fish. I was deficient in B12 and folic acid. Fowl doesn't help this. I had to eat red meat now and again. (Or lots of beans.) Pretty girl.

That last job ended and all I could do was sit on the couch and eat. And eat. I gained half of the weight back.

And then I remembered to take my own advice to friends who are depressed. "Shut up and just do something." I started a little weight training. I have two 3 pound weights. I use them. Five minutes a day is all I gave myself. I started with a very few weight lifting exercises. I did ten reps at first, and now I'm up to 30. Some reps are easy.. 10 became 50. My five minute routine is now 15-20 minutes. I like it. But I started small. And I walk. Sometimes it is just up to the main road. Only about a mile. Sometimes I like the way it all feels and I walk five miles. I've decided it just doesn't matter. No pressure.

But, I feel better.

It took me two full weeks to lose a pound. Perseverance is everything. So hard to not be discouraged. I had to train myself to look at the scale only once a week. I've lost 4 pounds since I've had the courage to look at a scale. (I never look at the scale on the way up and I only look at the scale when my clothes are looser!)

It is all okay.

I made potatoes tonight with a little olive oil, rosemary and garlic. So good and no butter. I made turkey burgers with onions and red and yellow bell peppers cut up and inside. No bread. (Okay, I had a tortilla and Phil had pita.) I made a salad. Yes, I used iceburg lettuce, but I augmented it with spinach leaves, tomatoes and basil. All very satisfying and all very tasty!

I can lose weight. I don't even have to sacrifice. I just have to remember to avoid food when I am not hungry and to recognize that when I am hungry, my body is supplying me. I enjoy the feeling of hunger. I enjoy not being overly full. I like walking. I like lifting weights. I like how it all clears my head.

I will be lean.

Then, I'll quit smoking.

lol.

There is an end point here. I've discovered, for myself, that starting small works. A little bit a bit at a time makes all the difference in the world.

love and health to you!

mkk

PS: A random comment. I thought the Tonys were wonderful this year. I appreciate the need to sell ourselves and I think we did a really good job! Excellent! (My heart soared and broke when they finally recognized the brilliant stage manager Beverly Randolph in the memoriam. First time I've ever seen one of us included. I'm proud to have met her. She welcomed me into the Broadway community. She was so kind to me when I was new to Broadway. Thank you for recognizing her contribution!)

Friday, June 10, 2011

Simple Perfection.

I have some pictures I want to share. They really tell their own story. I want to acknowledge the inspiration for all of this. It is my friend Claudia. She posted some pictures recently of farmland, so beautiful, green and inspirational. Thanks, Claudia!                                          
My Wash in June!
The moss kinda blew me away.
I am two blocks from my house.
The way out of the Wash.

When I was young, we called these Century Plants. We'd convinced ourselves  they bloomed once every 100 years and were so delighted every time we saw one bloom!



Really, how many places need to post this sign? Yeah, well I live there!

So Close to Civilization, yet so far.

Hello? Christmas? It is June!

The Stop Sign overgrown with vines. I thought it looked cool.

The Valley.

More of the desert next to my home.

Simple Perfection.

Friday, June 3, 2011

My Rant.

I'm angry.

I'm angry that my congressman just sent out a flyer that I probably paid for full of lies about the current health care initiative. (He is a Republican and I will write to him tomorrow. I write to him often.)

I'm angry that the co-pay on a drug that helps my husband feel just a bit better is nearly $200. I go to the pharmaceutical company website, and to get help I can't have health insurance. Hmm. With health insurance it is too expensive! I wrote to the corporate office. Let's see what they say.

I'm angry that rich bloated men are stealing our country and nobody on the right seems to see this. (Oh, and the trickle down theory does not seem to work... just, by the way!)

When the government takes money from the Arts, ALL the artists suffer. (So does society... no access! no joy, no thought, no relief.) All the people who work to actualize that art suffer. Doesn't anyone realize artists and the support staff too pay taxes and consume? How stupid are the people running this government? Look at the tax base they are losing.

I see this and I am not an economist. (I am an artist.) We currently buy nothing but food and gas and pay our mortgage. We did spend about $100 on clothes today. Had to. The old clothes were a little thread-bare.  No growth here. No growth anywhere. Truly, I'd love to hire a gardener. It is a small ambition. I can't. My very sick husband mows the lawn and cuts the weeds. It's okay. It is cheaper this way. But because there is no work for me, there is no work for the gardener either. Get it?

I'm angry. I know I've talked about this before but lettuce is no longer affordable. Neither are decent tomatoes. (Sorry, the cheap tomatoes taste like crap.) My doctor told me to eat Kale. I thought kale would be cheap. I mean, who likes kale? It is very expensive. I've become the coupon queen. If it isn't on sale... I wait for next week to see if it is.

I'm angry. I heard today that if other countries don't buy our goods after we've spent so much money buying their goods we increase our debt. I challenge you to buy something made in the USA. I buy from American Apparel as much as I can. I try to avoid products made in China, but it is nearly impossible. (The shirt I bought today was made in VietNam.) I can't find clothes made here in any dept. store any more. Why is that?

I'm angry. I'm post menopausal. I fought the good fight years ago so women could have control of their own bodies. Why is abortion such a topic now and again? We won this and now we are losing this. Ladies! Why aren't you angry that the government is trying to control your reproductive rights? I can't fight this battle for you. I did it already. Go! Be Heard!

Oh, and why are proponents of small government trying pass legislation that give you fewer rights? Oh, and cost more? Look to Florida... requiring women seeking abortion to have ultra-sounds. Costs the state more money. Requiring drug testing for people seeking assistance even if there is no suspicion of abuse.  When did civil liberties take a holiday?

This is all so stupid. The Republican Party wants to limit government. You know this is true, they say it all the time. Then... they want to impose laws that restrict a woman's right to control her own body. They want to prosecute doctors. They want to feed you a line of crap about how the economy works and they are wrong. Rich people in times of recession/depression hold onto their money. They don't let it "trickle down."

The rich need to pay the price they took to make them rich. They could never have made the money they did without all of us. They owe it to us to pay their fair share of taxes.

Really. Do you think that CEO is smarter than you? I bet he is not smarter than a 6 year old.